Page 19 of The Duchess Debt

Certainly, he’d changed, but…but she could still feel his love for her in his caresses. She might have been mistaken about why he had agreed for her to come here, might have been completely wrong about what he wanted in a marriage, but she wasn’t wrong about that. For God’s sake, she tasted it on his lips.

She sank onto the bed and hung her head in her hands as an anguished cry of frustration tore from her. She couldn’t leave, and not just because her family was depending upon her to save them.

“I have to save the ones here, too,” she whispered between her fingers.

Gabe needed to find his way back to the man he had once been, and she was the only one who could guide him. Alice certainly needed her help in making Gabe love her like a true father.

And God help her,sheneeded his love again, too.

But what he’d told her tonight, the way he’d looked at her as she fled the room, unable to bear being with him a moment longer—how could she ever mend his heart? Clarissa hadn’t broken it; she’d shattered it into a thousand pieces. Oh, poor Gabe! He’d sacrificed his life to save Clarissa, his family’s honor, and the dukedom. More, he had also sacrificed the happy future he could have had, only for his life to turn to ashes.

Hot tears of both anguish and rage gathered in her eyes. Damnation, he should have told her! Even if he thought shecould have weathered the jilting, even if he thought the blame would have fallen squarely onto his shoulders instead of hers, he should have gone to the church himself and explained. He should have known that he could have trusted in her love for him to keep secret what Adam had done, and maybe together they could have found a way to save both their impending marriage and Clarissa’s reputation. He should have known she wouldn’t have given him up so easily and let him—

Her heart stopped as the icy-cold truth sank over her like a chilling wind. That was exactly it… Hedidknow. Which was why he hadn’t gone to the church himself, because he knew she wouldn’t let him go. Because he knew she wouldn’t stand by quietly and let him sacrifice his happiness to save his family’s reputation.

“Oh, that man,” she rasped out, her voice thick and hoarse with emotion. “That infuriating, stubborn…wholly honorable man.”

Her vision blurred as she stared at the soft glow of the banked fire in the fireplace. This time, her tears were ones of grief, cried solely for Gabe.

Heavens, how could she ever make right all that happened to him? To Alice?

She rose from the bed and swiped the back of her hand across her eyes as she looked down at her half-packed bag and the pile of clothes she’d dumped onto the counterpane. He’d been punished simply for being a good man, while she…well, she was running away.

She pulled her spine straight with resolve. She’d never run from a fight in her life, and she had no intention of starting now, especially when a little girl—and a very broad-shouldered, not-so-little man—needed her.

She grabbed up the clothes and put them back into their drawers, along with the toiletry set on her dressing table. Thenshe stirred up the coals for light, lit a candle on the flames, and carried it to the little writing desk under the window that looked out onto a cold and dark night. But dawn would come soon, and when it did, she had to be ready.

So she took out a piece of linen paper and reached for the quill. He’d given up his happiness to save his family, and now she had to find a way to savehim, and by extension Alice. He might never feel the same love for her that he had felt before; she was willing to admit that to herself and live with the consequences of a loveless, if amicable, marriage. What Clarissa had put him through as his first wife was nothing short of a living hell. Helena knew not to expect affection from him for a wife.

But sweet little Alice didn’t deserve to live the same loveless life that he’d condemned himself to. Perhaps by showing him that he could be loved, she could also show him that he could love in return. She had to—for the sake of their children they would someday have. All she had to do was make the stubborn man realize it.

But she only had one month to make it happen.

“Then you’d better hurry,” she warned herself and dabbed the quill in the ink well. She scrawled out her intentions.

I, Helena Jane Sinfell, in order to establish a good and viable marriage to Gabriel Edward James Patterson Cavanaugh, do hereby stipulate the following rules for our engagement…

CHAPTER SIX

29 Days Until the Wedding

Bright morning sunlight fell through the windows as Helena hurried down the stairs and through the quiet house. While the kitchen staff was awake and busy in the kitchens, the other servants were taking their time easing into the day. Alice and Nanny Potts were still up in the nursery, and Verity would still be in her room for a goodly while yet, sleeping long into the morning.

But Gabe would be up early and down from his room, she knew, in an attempt to escape the house before he bumped into her. That wasnotgoing to happen.

She’d spent a sleepless night tossing and turning, plotting and pacing, all of it punctuated with lots of cursing. Many, many times she’d stopped in her pacing and stared at the door that connected their rooms. He would be there on the other side, just as sleepless and pacing and cursing as she was. She could have presented her list to him then, but she also knew she needed to be well-prepared for battle, which meant having to think straight. Seeing him even further undressed than he’d been in his study with a warm and soft bed only a few feet away would have kept her from thinking at all.

No, better to confront him on neutral ground. The breakfast room.

She hurried down the hall and stopped abruptly in the doorway as Gabe stepped in front of her on his way out. He halted, surprised, and in that moment, she couldn’t help but drop a glance over him. He wore tan breeches and a maroon redingote, well-worn boots, and no neckcloth, revealing ascandalously open collar and bare neck. Based on his attire, he’d planned to spend the entire day riding…and avoiding her.

But she refused to let her heart sink. Last night, she had glimpsed—if only momentarily—the old Gabe she’d known and loved, just as she’d seen the pain inside him despite the cold, emotionless façade he showed to the world. That glimpse made her determined to make him love both her and the little girl he was raising as his own. It made no difference the dark circumstances that had brought them to this point. What mattered was moving forward.

Her plan started right now.

“Oh, good!” She flashed him a smile as bright as the morning. “I’ve caught you before you’ve ridden out.” She wrapped her arm around his. “Can I have a few moments of your time?”

His face remained stony, yet he let her lead him back into the breakfast room and said nothing when she nudged closed the door with her foot.