Page 19 of Twice Upon a Midnight
“But that’s just it— Idon’tknow who you are.” She was desperate to grab for any straws of reason to change his mind. “But I want to know you better, so very much, if you’ll let me.”
What she could see of his face turned somber. “And if you don’t like what you learn about me?”
“But I will.” She was certain she would. In fact, she already begun to fall in love with him, and every moment with him going forward would only prove it more. “Those other gentlemen don’t interest me at all. It’s you I—”
“Lady Elenora, there you are!” A portly man with an old-fashioned wig nearly as old as his clothes smiled broadly as he strode up to them. “Your father is looking for you.”
Ella’s chest turned hollow. Of course he was. She didn’t have to glance across the ballroom to know her parents were watching, that in their desire to find suitors for her they thought they were helping by not letting one gentleman dominate all her time this evening. So they sent this man to herd her back to the flock.
Her gaze never left Spenser even as she said, “Please tell my father that I’ll be with him shortly.”
“Durham was insistent that you return right away. He wants to introduce you to Lord Truss.” Then he smiled good-naturedly at her masked man, as if suspecting nothing more amiss between them than an argument over whether to have a glass of punch or Madeira. “You won’t mind, will you, sir, if I escort her ladyship back to His Grace?”
“Not at all.” Spenser retreated a step and gave her a stiff bow. “It was a pleasure to meet you, my lady.”
The private meaning behind his ordinary words nearly broke her.
“Good night,” he murmured. Then he turned and disappeared back into the crowd like a ghost into the fog.
CHAPTER NINE
S
penser sat in his office at the print shop and drummed his fingers against the piece of wood that served as a desktop. Hell, to call the piece of furniture a desk in the first place was a dubious assertion. It was an ordinary table, big and sturdy, stained, and scarred from years of hard work. Just like him, he supposed.
He looked down at the letter he was attempting to write to Ella and bit out a curse.
Nothing.He couldn’t think of anything to say that would make this easier, except he knew he had to say goodbye.
When he’d learned the full truth of her identity, he nearly fell over in surprise. Of all the women for his foolish heart to long for, she had to be the most impossible one of all. His wonderful Ella was Lady Elenora, the only daughter of the Duke of Durham, and the most sought-after miss in England. Fate was surely laughing at him.
What on earth was he supposed to say to her now? She was the daughter of a duke, for God’s sake, and he was nothing but a printer. What kind of future could they possibly have, except for someday hiring him to print the invitations to her wedding to a duke or prince?
He shouldn’t write her another note, shouldn’t have any contact with her at all. He hadn’t lied to her. Shewouldn’tlike what she discovered about him when she learned the truth of who he was and how he made his way in the world.
But he couldn’t help himself. He had to explain. She deserved that much.
“She trusted you when she had no idea who you were,” he reminded himself in a mutter, “when all you did was discuss literature. So be that man again. Let her trust that you never meant to hurt her and that this is for the best.”
He dipped his quill into the ink and swept it over the paper.
Dearest Ella ~
There are so many things I want to tell you, much I want to explain, yet nothing can come of it. If we were free of the world and our places in it, there would be so much to share with you, so many ideas we could discuss. I would eagerly learn all your philosophies and insights, your beliefs, your hopes and dreams… When I think of you, these lines from Shelley’s poetry come always to mind—
The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
