Page 70 of Along Came a Rogue

But she couldn’t see him. If she saw him, she’d beg to be held, and if he held her—

She pressed the heel of her hand against her chest. Dear God, how it hurt!

Even during the ride from Yorkshire, even as she lay in his arms that first night, she knew she’d have to give him up when they reached London. But she’d never imagined the pain would be this wretched. Or that she’d not only have to let him go but be forced to drive him away by making up that horrible excuse that she believed him not good enough for her. Oh, the furthest thing from the truth! Yet she would gladly let him believe the worst of her, taking the full brunt of his anger if it meant securing his future.

And given the choice, she’d rather he hate her now than later, when he realized all he’d lost by marrying her.

“Ma’am?” Jensen prompted gently. Worry darkened his brow.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Drawing a deep breath of resolve, she took the letter and placed it onto the tea table, not having the strength to read it now. Later, when she could lock herself into her room and cry over it, just as she’d done with the others…Her shoulders sagged heavily, exhausted. She rubbed at her forehead as a sharp pain throbbed behind her eyes.

“Are you all right, ma’am?” Jensen frowned. “Should I send for Yardley?”

She smiled weakly, touched by Jensen’s concern. “No need. I’m only a little tired.”

Worry crossed his gray brow, but he let the matter drop. “You also have a caller, ma’am.”

“A caller?” Grey. Again. Her chest sank, her fatigue growing to the point of tears. Sweet heavens, how much more of this was she expected to bear? She didn’t know which one of them would survive the longest in this standoff of wills they’d entered.

She sighed and issued the same order she’d given nearly every day for the past three months. “Please tell Major Grey that I’m not receiving callers.”

“Apologies, ma’am, but it’s Her Grace, the Duchess of Strathmore.”

Kate! Emily smiled. For the first time that day, her spirits lifted, and the weight eased from her shoulders. “Please show Her Grace upstairs.”

He nodded and retreated from the room.

Katherine Westover, Duchess of Strathmore, had been the first visitor to Chatham House after Emily arrived in London. Although Kate and her husband, Edward, were there to call on Thomas, the redheaded duchess with the welcoming smile and bright green eyes greeted her warmly, and the two had become fast friends. Of course, it helped that they were both with child. Kate was three months behind, but they’d bonded over their mutual pregnancies, and Emily found Kate’s advice about babies, her friendship, and her loyalty to be a godsend. Just as she’d come to admire the duke. From the way he doted on his wife, Edward dearly loved her, and Emily couldn’t help the niggling envy inside her whenever she saw the couple together. It was the same loving marriage she’d wanted with Grey but now could never have.

“Emily!” Kate Westover glided into the room, waving away Jensen’s attempt to announce her. She took Emily’s hands and squeezed them warmly as she leaned in to kiss her cheek, but when Emily pulled back, the young duchess frowned. “Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine,” she assured her. “Just a little tired, that’s all.”

But her assurance didn’t lessen Kate’s concern. “I should go and let you rest—”

“No! Please stay.” Her hands tightened on Kate’s as she led her toward the settee, as if to physically stop her from leaving if need be. Kate had no idea how much she needed this visit. “Talking with you will raise my spirits more than anything else.”

“All right,” Kate agreed, but the dubious look on her face told Emily she wasn’t convinced. “Perhaps for just a short stay, then.”

“Good.” Relieved at having Kate to distract her from thoughts of Grey, Emily sent her an overly bright smile. “Have you seen Thomas this afternoon? He’s almost completely recovered now. He’ll be back to his normal life soon, I’m certain.”

Kate hesitated, as if she didn’t quite agree with Emily’s optimistic prognosis, but then nodded. “He and Edward went for a ride in the park, leaving us ladies to our gossip.” She reached into her reticule and withdrew a small jar. “I brought this for you. An herbal cream. Rub it over your belly twice a day, and it will help keep your skin firm and soft.”

“Thank you.” Emily’s eyes glanced at Kate’s own belly, which already showed quite roundly and twice as much as Emily had been at six months. “And how are you?”

“Every part of me is swollen and bloated, sickness has kept me locked in my room every morning until well past noon, and I am twice as huge as I was just a month ago.” A glowing smile spread across her face as her hand reached to lovingly rub her belly. “And I’ve never been happier!”

Emily hugged her, despite the stab of envy in her chest. Kate had Edward to share in all the happiness of this wonderful time of her life, but Emily had lost the one man with whom she wanted to share it most.

“I keep warning Edward that I must be carrying twins—and girls!” Kate laughed, her eyes gleaming mischievously. “It would serve the colonel right to be surrounded by a houseful of women who won’t be ordered about.”

Emily forced a smile, while inside she was miserable. Edward was going to be a wonderful father, she had no doubt of that. But her baby would have no father, and that thought both saddened and worried her immeasurably.

“Emily, I’m concerned about you.” With a troubled frown, Kate took both her hands and held them on the cushion between them.

She shook her head, doing her best to alleviate Kate’s worries. “I’m fine, truly. I know I’m carrying small, but I promise to eat more. Cook and Yardley will make certain of it. And I’ll be able to rest more because I’m refusing all social invitations now.” She forced a smile. “Except for an occasional stroll through the park, I plan on doing nothing but resting, reading, and gorging myself on biscuits.”

But Kate’s frown only deepened. “I meant that you look so…sad.”