Page 272 of The Art of Almost Losing It
“That’s why I brought Tupperware,” my mom jokes.
“Mom.” Hannah’s mortified. “This is a nice party.”
“Well”—Finn shrugs—“I brought Tupperware too.”
“Sorry, Dani.” I kiss her. “We really can’t take you anywhere.”
“I don’t know.” Mom snickers. “I kind of like the entertainment.”
Suddenly, Colette storms toward the band.
“Stop it! I hate that song! This is still my wedding, and I don’t want to hear it!” she screeches.
“Man,” Spencer mutters. “I thought she’d last longer.”
Money changes hands between my brothers.
Dani’s mom rushes over.
“Dani, you need to do something. Colette is yelling at the band.”
“Her cousin needs to do something,” Dani counters.
Dani’s dad joins us, shaking hands. “I’m so sorry. I feel like we keep inviting you all to these insane-asylum gatherings. We’ll have you over for a proper family dinner.”
“No worries! I like free food!” My mom beams. “And Frank likes the free bar!” she adds.
“I promise,” Dani’s dad says, “there won’t be any more surprise morning-show appearances. Dani is actually very boring and drama-free.”
“I’m still waiting for the magician,” my mom quips.
“And your son is very nice,” Linda adds, “considering he engages in online dating.”
“We think so too,” Mom deadpans. “You can’t trust men who message girls they don’t know online… then move them into their swanky penthouses.”
“Dani’s not officially moving in until they’re engaged,” Linda replies with a pointed look at me. “Which should be any day now.”
“Costco has a great selection of rings.” Dani’s dad smiles.
“I’ll have to take a look,” I reply.
“It’s a Costco date,” Hank declares.
“You cannot propose to her with a Costco ring.” Ryan digs his finger into my ribs.
“As if Spencer would let me.”
The younger boys arrive with plates piled high.
“Excuse me,” Frank growls. “Leave some food for other people.”
“Dani said we could have as much as we wanted!” Max protests.
“There’s tons left,” Shawn adds. “Mini baked-brie bites, too, Mom.”
“Score!” my mom whoops. “I have tinfoil in my purse.”
There’s yelling near the stage.
