Page 102 of The Art of Almost Losing It
“You’re going to need it, because we are a camping family.” Aurora snickers.
“Welp.” I stand up and clap a hand on Graham’s shoulder. “Sorry, but it turns out this isn’t going to work out after all. Itwas nice knowing you.” I salute him. I almost trip over the coffee table.
Graham grabs me, swearing.
“Just kidding!” I tell his family’s shocked faces.
“Oh my god.” Hannah and Ryan collapse, laughing in relief, clutching their chests.
“I actually just have to use the little girls’ room. Graham is a control freak and wouldn’t stop the car so a girl can powder her nose.”
I wander down the hall to the half bath.
“Damn, this is a nice house,” I tell my reflection when I’m inside the bathroom.
Dani:I am making a fantastic and positive impression on his family!!!!!!!
Piper:His sister posted a video. You look drunk as shit.
Piper:Also pull up your pants. I saw a little bit of butt crack.
Dani:Fuck!!!
I sit down on the toilet. The wallpaper in the powder room is an abstract forest scene.
“You’re not going to puke up all that caviar. Pull yourself together, woman.” I splash water on my face and spray it all over my shirt.
“Who makes a sink out of a barrel, anyway?” I mumble as I walk out and face-first into Graham’s massive chest.
“Ughn.”
“Dani—” He grabs me.
“Piper thinks I’m drunk.”
“Yeah, no shit. What the fuck.”
“Do you think they like me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. I just need them not to think I’m a serial killer.”
My stomach lurches. “God, why does anyone date? This is so stressful,” I groan.
“Please don’t puke on me—this suit cost more than your entire year’s salary.”
“I am in the process of securing all the groomsmen’s suits. They are bespoke, and they are not that expensive.” I wave a finger at one of the two Grahams in front of me. “I’m not a struggling waitress that you lured into your lair.”
Graham hisses.
“I actually make a lot of money as an investment analyst, buddy.” I poke that hard chest.
He grabs my hand. “Dani, shh.”
“You shush.” I slap his hand. “I bought all that lobster with my own money.”
“No, you didn’t. Your dad bought it.”
“I went to Costco with him—it’s our daddy-daughter time.”
