Page 111 of The Art of Almost Losing It
“What? What was that?”
He looks away. “Nothing.”
He floors the car. The tires squeal, then we’re back on the road. I stare out the window at the falling snow, trying to blink back the tears, trying not to hate that I can’t pretend that we’re ever going to fall in love.
“I triedto be good around his family.” I pace in the living room in my parents’ house, eating acroque monsieur. “Sure, I got a little drunk, but I thought they liked me.”
“You were really drunk,” Piper reminds me.
“I was nervous! I’ve never dated before. Ever. I don’t know what to do! I mean, most mothers automatically hate whatever woman their son brings home, right? And Graham is so protective of his mom. If she hates me, then he’s going to dump me.”
“You’re not actually really dating this guy…” Piper grimaces.
“I know.I know that.He keeps reminding me that he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t think I’m attractive, he’d never want a girl like me on his arm—and certainly not in his bed.”
Piper snorts. “All right, Ms. Eighties Romance Novel. ‘In his bed’? What the hell is that?”
“I don’t know, I’m a—you know. I don’t know how any of this works. You’d think the only perk of getting kidnapped would be that you don’t have to worry about losing your virginity.”
“It sounds like Kraig is into you, though. I bet he’d be down.”
“Yeah, but, like, how would that even go?”
Piper shrugs. “Tell him you want to hook up with him at two thirty a.m. in the 56th-floor bathroom tomorrow and to please make sure he’s washed and has a condom.”
“Tomorrow!” I squeak. “I’ve never even been kissed.”
“Wait,what? I thought Michael Goodwin kissed you in eighth grade.”
“No, I lied.”
“Dude.” Piper’s mouth drops open. “I defended you!”
“I know!”
“I mean, I’d do it again, but you’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.” Piper crossed her arms.
“You’re right. People stay virgins into their late middle age and beyond, even. If I were a princess and not married, people would think I’m the pinnacle of womanhood.”
“The pinnacle of womanhood is dripping mustard all over her sweater.”
“Shoot.” I dab at my clothes. “The problem is that I never should have thought that it was going to be a great love story. It’s literally never happened before. I need to refocus on my real dream. The happy-aesthetic single-girl life.”
“You refuse to wait by yourself inside a restaurant if I’m even a little bit late. You’re not cut out for that single-girl life.”
“One day I’ll be secure enough to go to a restaurant by myself,” I promise her. “I’m not there yet. I’m slowly working on giving up gracefully. Slowly. I’ve followed a lot of influencers to help me embrace single life.”
“You get paid enough. You could move out. Like, tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but I want a nice place,” I protest. “Also, my mom isn’t going to like it if I live alone.”
“I’ll be there too,” Piper reminds me. “I’m a secretary. I’m not making single-in-NYC money, and I’m sure as shit not staying here. Gran brought home two men last night.”
“Well, Ronaldo’s pretty cool, though. He makes a meancroque monsieur. Maybe I should go that route and just find a guy who’s hot and mildly employed…” I sigh.
“Which brings us back to Kraig.”
I shiver. “I think Graham’s going to be really upset if I do anything with Kraig. He…” I trail off.
