Page 34 of Boy Toy Not Included

Kuba didn’t join in. His feelings were too big. Knowing the truth didn’t change certain aspects. The ending of Anastasia’s story was the same. “Why did you believe my grandfather?”

Guilt passed over Dread’s features. “A lot of reasons, unfortunately. They all come down to jealousy. She was always with Krystof. He made her smile too much for my liking. Plus, he was rich and could give her a life I couldn’t. Her parents adored him. He was the proper pedigree. I had never felt comfortable with their friendship. Like I said, lots of reasons. I hate myself every day for every single one.” A sad smile passed over his lips. “Time is an unforgiving thing. It gives you the distance needed to see things from every angle. Every mistake I made comes down to pride. I was too stubborn to swallow mine. Then Krystof found me and told me the truth, and it was too late. You already looked at me with a level of hatred I’ve never seen, and I realized something that shattered me. Not only had I lost a life I’d kill to have, but she died feeling about me the way you look at me.”

Kuba couldn’t tell him it wasn’t true. “She thought that not only had you abandoned us but that you’d also moved here to rub your success in her face. Since I’m aware that’s probably true, I’m having a hard time sitting here now. She was amazing, and you destroyed her in all the cruelest of ways.”

Dread’s throat moved as if he swallowed past a lump. “I know, and I have to live with that.”

“Me too.”

Dread dropped his gaze to the table. A sad smile passed over his face. “Well, thank you for finally sitting down with me. That’s all I wanted. I know it’s more than I deserve.”

Kuba just couldn’t stop. “Sending your goons to try to run me over while I’m out jogging and to destroy my car is a batshit way to ask me to sit down with you.”

Dread’s chin shot up. “They tried to run you over? When?”

There was too much instant rage in Dread’s tone to be fake. Still, Kuba’s gaze moved over his face, searching for the lie. “A week or so before Christmas. Why in the fuck did you think Dad hired Diesel?” A pain stabbed him through the chest. Just saying Diesel’s name nearly broke him. He had lost everything. Kuba couldn’t breathe.

“I assumed you were only telling people he was your bodyguard to keep the public from questioning his constant presence. I’ll kill those motherfuckers. They’re annoying, but they’re superfans. You know how that goes. You don’t want the crazy ones to flip on you, but hell no. I had no idea they had tried to hurt you. The car thing was bad enough. I blocked their access to me after that one. You should’ve called. I’d never let anyone hurt you.”

Dread was going the fuck off, turning redder by the second. Meanwhile, Kuba was having a full-on panic attack that may or may not have been an actual heart attack. There wasn’t a single molecule of oxygen in the air. A horrible noise assaulted his ears. Until Dread was on his feet, Kuba didn’t realize the sound was him trying to breathe.

“Whoa, Kuba. Take a breath. Don’t you dare take away the only thing I have left. You might not see me as your dad, but I sure as fuck see you as my son. You can’t break me like this. Take a fucking breath.” He was on his knees cradling Kuba’s face, making Kuba realize he had turned sideways in his seat at some point and bent at the waist. “Come on, son. I’ve got you. Look at me.”

Kuba’s gaze locked onto Dread’s eyes. Damn. They were the same eyes he saw in the mirror each day.

Dread took a deep breath. “Breathe with me.”

Kuba took one breath, sending just enough oxygen to his brain to open the floodgates to completely falling apart. “You don’t understand.” He sucked in another painful-sounding breath. “You saw what I did to him.” Another wheeze. “I can’t take that back.” Wheeze. “I’ve lost everything. Mom is gone.” Wheeze. “Media and fans only care about my sexuality.” Wheeze. “Jaymehates me.” Wheeze. “I lost the only man I love. It’s all gone.” Oddly, once the words were out, it got easier to breathe. His gaze shot around. There was no one else around. Even the front counter was empty. That wasn’t uncommon here. He had to get himself under control before his weakness made his life worse.

“You’re not weak.”

Fuck. Had he said that aloud? His brain was too foggy. He wasn’t in control of his body. Everything was a mess.

Obviously assured Kuba wouldn’t die, and conscious of Kuba’s privacy concerns, Dread moved back to his seat. “Look, I know I’ll never be your dad. I don’t even have the right to be here right now, but I am. Even though there’s no place in your life for me, I can listen without judgment. God knows I’ve fucked up my own life and learned a thing or two. Sometimes, you just need someone not involved in the situation to hear you out.”

He felt sick. His hands shook, and his head pounded. Kuba couldn’t think straight enough to remember to hate Dread. He found himself staring into eyes that matched his and saying things he had never confessed. “Not a single person on Earth knew about my sexuality before Diesel. He just made things so peaceful and easy. When he was around, I forgot to be scared. It was like I became someone else. Loving him was the simplest thing I’ve ever done. Then I was staring at images of us during the deepest moments of my life, and all I could think about was how everyone knowing about us could destroy my chance at beating you. Everyone would focus on my private life and not the fact that I made sure you never challenged me again. Then, in that same moment, Jayme looked at me as if he had never beenbetrayed more. He stormed out because he knew what I had done. He knew this was the end of my career, and therefore his. I’m twenty-one. I should be living my best life with every success I’ve had. Instead, all I’ve cared about is my hatred for you, and it cost me everything. I don’t know how to take any of it back.”

“You choose Diesel.” Dread said the words as if the answer was just that simple. “No amount of press coverage can steal what you’ve accomplished. If people want a chance at that strap, they still have to come through you to get it, and they can’t. No one is as good as you are. You’ll keep demanding their respect with your skills. As for Jayme, let that motherfucker go. You were in a moment of crisis and needed every one of your friends on your side. He chose himself. Let him keep doing it. That’s not a real friend. Diesel didn’t leave. He was by your side all the way up until you forced him to go.” Dread never looked away from him. He looked as if he took Kuba’s problem as seriously as he would his own. “Don’t let this fester. Show up and refuse to leave. Make sure he can’t doubt that you choose him. He seems like a great guy. Mistakes are part of life, but it’s not too late to fix things. So make it right.”

For reasons beyond him, Dread’s every word sounded like the gospel. He sounded like a man who knew the exact directions to get his life back on track. That was exactly what Kuba needed to hear. That was two dads telling him not to give up on winning Diesel back. He supposed if they equally thought he could—considering how different they were—Kuba couldn’t give up. He had to get his man.

Chapter Fourteen

Kuba:Ihadcoffeewith Dread today.

Diesel:How did it go?

Kuba:I don’t know. We walked away with all our limbs.

Diesel:I’m glad for that much.

Kuba:I’d love to ask you to lunch tomorrow so I can explain everything. Since I know you won’t accept, this text is about to be a book. I’m sorry about that. This is definitely something I would’ve rather done face to face. But here it goes. I’m sorry for every lie I’ve told. You have no idea how deeply sorry. You’re such an amazing person. I know you would’ve understood if I had just talked to you. The problem is, I haven’t spoken to anyone about anything since Mom died. I’m not playing thevictim card here. That’s just the truth. After Dread came to town to rub his success in her face, even though she’d done nothing wrong, I’ve carried so much hatred in my heart. Nothing has mattered except humiliating him with every beat down. I wanted him to see my hatred and know we were still better off without him. I wanted my mom to see him get the brakes beat off him by me, the way she deserved. Then she died before I could, and that’s made me twice as driven. Top that off with Dread winning against me that one time, and I can’t even describe how that’s consumed my life. It’s like the hatred I feel for him has mattered more than anything. My mom mourned herself to death over him. There’s a whole lot of new information to that story, but I’ll spare you that. I just wanted you to have that much of the backstory before I go on. Everything I said in anger to you after that fight wasn’t true. I needed you, and I still do. In fact, I venture to say I’ve needed you in my life more than I’ve ever needed anyone. You brought sunshine and happiness when everything inside me was darkness and rage. I’m sorry that I let that darkness win in the end. As to the rest, as you have probably figured out by now, not a soul on this planet knows I’m bisexual. I knew exactly this would happen if I ever dated a man. As you can see, that tidbit overshadowed everything I worked so hard to achieve. My sexuality became everything to everyone and took away that high I get when I beat Dread—just as I knew it would. You saw how Jayme reacted and he’s gay! But he knew everything I did, he knew this would be career-ending and therefore he would be out of a job. He knew those two media guys would ensure nothing I did would ever be as great as I am. (That’s not conceit. It’s just the truth.) And Jayme was half right in his assessment of the situation. I’ve decided to fire him. None of that matters right now. Losing you has been way worse than any pain I’ve ever endured. Now that I think about it, I’m gladI sent this via text. You can screenshot this and have proof we mattered more to me than what the world thinks of me. More than any career ever could. I love you. If you never let me set eyes on you again, that won’t change how I feel. Like I told you, I love you and I’ll never un-say it.

Diesel:You wanted to have lunch with me in public?

Kuba:Yeah. Is that all you took away from this? lol.

Diesel:No. I’ll have lunch with you.