Page 24 of Heal Me, Love Me

He hadn’t left anything behind, not even in the bathroom we shared.

I grabbed my phone for what felt like the millionth time since Rowan had disappeared. My thumb scrolled to the last number I’d called. I knew exactly how it would go, yet I kept torturing myself by making another attempt to reach him. It went straight to voicemail again, but I tried once more anyway because not trying felt worse. When I got the same result, I dragged a hand through my hair and paced across my room, trying to make sense of it all.

Why would he leave like that?

Why not say something?

Why not?—

My phone buzzed in my hand, and every muscle in my body locked up as I looked down at the screen.

Rowan

We need to talk

Everyone knew those words never led anywhere good. They were what people said when something had already begun to fall apart but hadn’t admitted it out loud.

A part of me wanted to ignore him the same way he’d been ignoring me for nearly twenty-four hours. How the hell did he get to disappear on me, then come back and act as if I owed him something? The other part couldn’t type a response fast enough:

Where are you?

His answer came almost immediately:

At my parents’

Are you coming back?

After a pause, he eventually replied:

No

My jaw clenched. He didn’t offer any context. He just gave me a one-word answer, as if that was all I deserved. My irritation was mounting. Still, I managed to type out another message:

Ok. Do you want me to come to you?

No. Meet me at the river

My grip tightened around my phone. The river wasourspot, so maybe it wasn’t that he had a problem with me and something else was wrong.

Despite being pissed at him for leaving me in the dark, I typed:

I’m on my way

The drive gave me too much time to think. My mind ran through every possible way our conversation might go, and none of them were good. He’d packed up his room, he said he wasn’t coming back, and now he wanted to meet somewhere that meant something to both of us.

The closer I got, the more the tension built in my chest, pressing up from beneath my ribs and making it hard to breathe. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, then stopped, then started again. I had too much nervous energy to sit still.

By the time I pulled up, my hands were tight on the wheel, and my teeth were grinding hard enough to make my jaw ache.

He was already there, sitting on his bike near the water’s edge with his head down. It wasn’t until I parked that I realized he was looking at his phone. He didn’t even bother to look in my direction.

For a moment, I just sat there, watching him and trying to push down the dread creeping up my throat about what was coming next.

After shutting off the engine, I got out and walked toward him, gravel crunching under my shoes. Each step felt heavier than the last as anger and something too close to fear tangled together inside me. “Rowan.”

He lifted his head slowly, his expression guarded, and it immediately put me on edge. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I shoved my hands into my pockets, mostly to stop fidgeting. “You want to explain why your room is empty, or am I supposed to figure it out on my own?”