Page 12 of Heal Me, Love Me

The word sat between us, and I hated how true it was.

“You loved him?” my mom asked.

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“Back then?”

“Back then … Now.”

“That’s a long time to love someone and not be able to say it,” my father stated.

I let out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”

Mom squeezed my hand. “And a long time spent carrying the fear of telling us.”

My father took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Dad.”

“No, listen to me.” His voice stayed calm, but I could hear the emotion beneath it. “I’m not sorry for wanting you to have direction. I wanted that because I thought it would give you a good life. But if I ever made you feel there was only one way to be my son, that’s on me.”

I shook my head. “I was the one who kept it from you.”

“I know,” he agreed. “But I can still be sorry you ever felt you had to hide that part of yourself from me.”

“From both of us,” Mom agreed.

“I didn’t know how to say it.”

“You just did,” she replied softly.

My mouth twitched, but it didn’t come close to a smile. “Yeah, well, it only took me several years and a complete emotional breakdown.”

“I wish it hadn’t taken that,” my mom said gently.

“Me too.”

Dad leaned forward again. “What happened back then? You and Keaton went from being in and out of each other’s houses to not speaking for almost a year before you left.”

My stomach turned. “I hurt him,” I confessed.

“How?” Mom asked.

“There was a party after a football game senior year,” I began. “Keaton and I already had plans that night. His mom was gone, and I was supposed to leave the party early and head to his house. But I drank too much and lost track of time. He texted to check on me, and I asked him to pick me up since I’d driven there and knew I shouldn’t drive home. He came inside because I wasn’t answering when he got there.” I swallowed. “I pulled him into a bedroom and kissed him.”

Mom’s breath caught.

“Ridgway walked in with a couple guys from the team.”

“Westly Ridgway?” my father questioned.

“Yeah.”

“I never liked that kid.”

I snorted a small laugh. “You had good instincts.”

Mom touched my arm. “What happened?”