Page 19 of Phoenix

Henry turned toward Tor, who had uttered almost no words since he’d arrived and still managed to be the loudest person in the room, and said, “Terrance, has your cousin always been such a downer?”

Fingers curling into a fist instinctively, Jule turned toward Henry. He had never liked that condescending prick. Before he could move, Brad leaned into him, clutched his bicep, and in a sickeningly sweet voice said, “I know you don’t enjoy drinking games, but don’t you want your cousin to have fun while he’s here?”

Fun with Tor had never been hard to accomplish. The two of them could have fun any time and in any situation. He thought back to the summer they were fifteen. Tor’s mom had been gone for most of that year, they assumed on one of her benders. His own mother had been out of town for work for months and his father had taken the opportunity to spend hisnights with whatever mistress he had at the time. That had left Jule free to do whatever he wanted and what he wanted was to spend the summer at home, the Dunworthy home. Like always, he and Tor had been inseparable. When Tor wasn’t with his siblings, hustling and stealing to make ends meet, the two of them wandered the neighborhood at all hours, played random games they invented, which more often than not included whatever alcohol they could find, and had way more sex than he cared to explain to his college friends. They’d grown up in families like the Sterlings, which meant they’d be horrified if they knew anything about Jule’s actual childhood and the people he considered his real family. Jule had gotten used to walking through life pretending to be the person he had been raised to become instead of the one he actually was, so they thought he was like them.

“Please, honey,” Brad said.

Honey? That snapped Jule out of his trip down memory lane and into the present. He had to fight his neck from turning toward Tor. He knew he’d find amusement in his eyes, maybe even a slight tilt of his lips. If he saw that, he’d probably smile back and he refused to do anything but be pissed off. So instead of looking at Tor, he focused on Brad. “What?”

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever.”

“Fine.”

“Really?” Brad shouted and bounced on his tiptoes. “Thank you!”

Annoyed by the guy he was supposed to like, Jule closed his eyes. He counted to five as he inhaled, counted to five again while he held his breath, and then exhaled at the same pace. When he opened his eyes, he found himself staring at Tor, who was leaning against the wall, hands buried in his jean pockets, an almost smile on his lips. Jule wanted to punch that playful smirk almost as much as he wanted to kiss it. He did neither, andinstead, he followed Brad into the living room, where everyone was choosing a seat. Against his instincts, he sat beside Brad on the couch.

“Isn’t your cousin going to join us?” Brad chirped.

Jule winced. Had Brad’s voice always been so annoying? No. Brad wasn’t annoying. He was nice. Healthy. Normal. Jule let out a deep breath and mumbled, “He’s not my cousin.”

“What?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He shook his head.

“Henry thinks he’s cute,” Brad whispered.

“What?” Jule asked, jerking his head toward Brad.

“He’s totally Henry’s type. That’s why I texted him to come over.”

“I doubt that,” Jule said.

“Terrance, come play!” Henry said.

“You said the game’s called Never Have I Ever?” Tor responded, his deep voice rolling through Jule from head to toe and making him tremble. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“You haven’t? It’s fun.” Henry had settled into the oversized armchair. He scooted to one side, leaving a few inches beside him and patted the chair. “Come sit. We can both squeeze in here.”

Energy thrummed beneath Jule’s skin, and he struggled to keep himself calm, locked down. Using one of the tools he had learned in therapy, he focused on his feet first, curled them, and then relaxed his muscles. Then he moved on to his calves, tensing and releasing. He had reached his thighs when Tor spoke again.

“What do you think, Jule? Is this drinking game fun?” His voice was amused. “Oh, that’s right. Brad said you don’t play drinking games.” He straightened and walked over to the seating area. “What else don’t you do?”

“Fuck you.”

Patrick jerked his head toward Jule, mouth gaping, and beside him, Brad gasped. “You cussed! You never use swear words.”

That was another therapy tool, a way for him to keep his anger and emotions in check by having his words match his behavior. It was bullshit but concentrating on using socially acceptable language helped him remember that he was supposed to behave in a socially acceptable way. He wore it like another part of his costume.

“You know what? I think you’re right.” Tor smiled broadly and sat on the ground in front of Henry’s chair. “This will be fun.”

“I’ll get the beer.” Patrick took a six-pack out of the fridge and went around the room, handing a bottle to everyone. When he got to Jule, he leaned down and quietly said, “You good?”

Jule nodded and took the bottle. Across from him, Henry had been explaining the game to Tor.

“Does that make sense, Terrance?” he asked, as if there was anything complicated about a game that was basically an excuse to admit private information and drink.

“Take a drink if I’ve done whatever’s said. Got it,” Tor responded.