Page 106 of The Risk Taker

I want to let him in. I want to tell someone, to not keep this shit lodged in my chest.

I shake my head. “Haven’t been back in…” I let out a laugh, running a hand over my jaw. “Fuck. Five, six years?”

Nathan turns to face me more fully, his brows drawn together. “Why?”

I take a slow breath, feeling it scrape the back of my throat. “My parents don’t talk to me. Haven’t since high school.” I pause, my fingers tightening around the can. “Since they found out I was bi.”

His face drops. “What?”

“I was seeing this guy sophomore year,” I say quietly. “He was my lab partner, and we got close.” I let out a harsh breath. “We were careful. Or we tried to be. But one night, my dadwalked in on us. We were just kissing. Literally just kissing.” A bitter laugh escapes me. “Didn’t matter. He lost his fucking mind.”

I blow out a breath when the memory of him shouting, tugging him away from me, losing his damn mind resurfaces. “He told me to get out. That I wasn’t welcome in his house. That I disgusted him.”

The words still echo in my head, even now. I’ve tried to bury them, drown them, pretend they stopped mattering. But they didn’t. Not really. They’re still there. Bruised into my ribs like fingerprints that never fade.

“What about your mom?” Nathan asks. “Did she?—”

“Try to stop him?” I ask, shaking my head. “No. She agreed with him. Acted like me liking a guy was a fucking crime.” I glance down at the ground. “I didn’t even manage to grab a bag. I left that night with the clothes on my back and never went back.”

Nathan doesn’t say anything, but I can feel him watching me. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I keep talking anyway, because once I start, I don’t know how to stop.

“The shittiest part, though?” I let out another laugh. “The guy I was with stopped talking to me. Couldn’t even look at me in the hallway after that. He started hanging out with a new crowd, laughing along when they made jokes about me taking dick up my ass.” I flick my thumb against the can in my hand. “Guess he didn’t want to go down with me.”

I blow out a breath and lean back. “I didn’t exactly have anywhere to go, so I was homeless for a bit.” My hand drifts to my stomach and I tug up my shirt just enough to show the old scar he saw back in the gym those months ago. “Some asshole with a knife thought my backpack looked worth the trouble and gave me this. Joke’s on him, though. I told him he could have the whole thing. There was like twelve bucks and a crap granola bar in there.”

I snort, shaking my head as I let my shirt drop. “I couldn’t exactly afford stitches, so I patched myself up in a gas station bathroom. Not my finest hour.”

When I glance up, Nathan’s gone pale, his jaw clenched, and his eyes shining a little too bright. He looks one second away from falling apart, and the sight hits me in a place I didn’t know could ache.

Without thinking, I reach over, let my hand curve around his jaw, thumb brushing along the sharp line of his cheek. “Hey. I’m alright, Hayes,” I say quietly, my brows tugging together. “You don’t need to cry for me.”

His breath shudders out. “I just—” He tries to get it together, blinking hard, but his voice is rough and raw. “Fuck, Logan. That shouldn’t have happened to you.”

“Yeah, well. Life’s a bitch sometimes.” I try to smile for him, even if my stomach’s still twisted. “I made it through,” I add, still cupping his face, needing the contact as much as he does. “Crashed with a few friends until I graduated. Picked up any shitty job I could find.” I shrug, letting my hand drop, but my gaze stays on him. “I figured it out eventually.” I shake my head, forcing a breath through the pressure building in my chest. “But the holidays still suck.”

Nathan just looks at me, like he’s wishing he could fix all the shit that’s already been done. “I’m sorry.”

I shake my head. “I’m not. Not anymore.” I breathe out through my nose, slowly. “They don’t get to know me. Not this version. The one who’s—” My eyes catch his, and something cracks open in my chest. “—actually happy.”

His lips part, eyes flicking between mine. “Are you?”

“Here with you?” I nod, honest as I’ve ever been. “Yeah. I am.”

He swallows, his big brown eyes locked on mine.

“I’ve got people now,” I say after a beat. “You guys. The team.”

Nathan’s still staring at me, not saying a word, then after a long pause, he says, “Come home with me.”

My head jerks toward him and I blink, certain I must have misheard. “What?”

“For Christmas,” he clarifies. “Come with me.”

A surprised laugh slips out before I can stop it, my head already shaking. I know he thinks his parents would be cool about having me over, but I just know it’d be an imposition having some random guy crashing in on their Christmas.

“Nathan—”

“I’m serious. I don’t want you spending Christmas here by yourself.”