Page 25 of Keeping My Enemies Closer: Pt. 2

There was no fixing this; only learning to live with it.

I was standing in the ashes of my mother’s last moments, and Marcelle couldn’t care less that her greed had destroyed my life.With my grandparents up in age and in Russia, my children were going to know nothing but their Korolev side, and that was another loss that I was going to have to carry with me.Marcelle hadn’t only changed my life, but she had also changed the life that my future kids were supposed to have had.Instead of having two grandmothers, they were going to only have one, and one who I hadn’t even met yet.Irina Korolev’s name was just as popular as her husband’s and sons’, but she was elusive enough that I hadn’t even been introduced to her yet.

It wasn’t until I finally started looking around that I noticed a stack of boxes in the corner of the living room.“What are those?”

“A couple of days ago, I brought some empty boxes by,” Kasimir answered.“I didn’t want you to be inconvenienced once you were ready to come back.”

I didn’t say anything to that because I really didn’t know what to say.Every day, it seemed as if Kasimir kept showing me a new side to him that I hadn’t ever imagined could exist.While he was every bit what his reputation portrayed him to be, that wasn’t all that he was.He was more than just some monster with no redeeming qualities.Unbelievably so, Kasimir had a conscience when it came to the people that he cared about, and I wasn’t sure why it kept surprising me, but it did.His thoughtfulness continued to catch me off guard, even though it probably shouldn’t anymore.

“Thank you,” I finally said, my eyes back on the chair.

“I think it’d be best if we pack the things that matter to you most,” he suggested.“After that, we can sift through what’s left.”

I turned to look at him.‘What if I want to pack it all?What if I’m not ready to say goodbye to any of it?”

Kasimir walked towards me until he was standing only inches away, his hands coming up to cup my face.“Then I will call someboyeyiks, and I will make sure that we have everything packed up by the end of the day.”

“What about the furniture?”

“Lepestok,our house has a million rooms that are for show only,” he said.“We can empty one out to store your mother’s furniture in.”

Now, while I appreciated the offer, I didn’t realize how ridiculous the question had sounded until Kasimir explained how he was willing to accommodate my emotional confusion.I didn’t need the furniture, nor did I really want it.I just wanted the breathing room to be irrational if I needed it.

I gave him a slow nod as I said, “I think you’re right, and that we should start with her personal items first.”

Kasimir leaned forward, then placed a kiss on my forehead.“Whatever you want,lepestok.”

For the next few hours, I chose the items that I wanted to take with me, and Kasimir quietly packed them.Yuri also helped take the boxes to the car, and even though I knew that he was only doing his job, I still felt grateful for the help.

I also did my best to ignore the bloodstains on the living room and kitchen floors as I grabbed anything personal, the furniture losing its value the more that I packed what really mattered to me.Now, while I knew that I was nowhere near ready yet, I couldn’t see myself keeping the house long term.Firstly, even if Kasimir and I were to go our separate ways later on, I could never find myself living here again.Secondly, I just didn’t want the responsibility of hanging onto the property, and I also couldn’t bring myself to rent it out.The house would be mine but not mine, and that felt too much like staying in an abusive relationship when I had the power to get out.

Once we had everything packed and loaded, the house looked ransacked.It looked like it’d been robbed, and the partial emptiness felt cold.It felt like a goodbye that I’d been expecting but wasn’t quite ready to accept.

“If you’re certain that you’ve collected everything that you want, I will arrange for a cleaning company to come this week to sort the rest out,” Kasimir offered as he placed his hands on my shoulders, his body heat warming my entire back.“I can even have a moving company empty out the house completely first, if you’d rather.”

Having struggled so badly for the past year, I said, “I’d like whatever is in decent condition to be donated to who is in need.Everything else can be thrown away.”

“Not a problem,lepestok,”he replied easily.“I’ll take care of everything.”

The ride back to Kasimir’s was quiet, but I didn’t mind.I was feeling a lot, anger still at the top of the list.With every personal item that I’d packed, the angrier that I had become, only being able to function as the anger had turned to numbness for the moment.

At any rate, I appreciated how Kasimir was still trying to give me space to figure things out, and his quiet support was exactly what I needed right now.I just wanted someone to be there for me when I needed to breakdown, and Kasimir was proving to be more than capable of providing that for me.

Once we got back to the house, Kasimir ordered a few of his guards to help unload the boxes, placing them all in the sunroom for right now, the only room big enough to house everything comfortably.According to Kasimir, tomorrow was plenty soon enough for me to pick a room to hold all of my memories.Kasimir was also gracious enough to let me know that it was perfectly fine with him if I wanted to hang up any pictures or decorate the house with anything personal.However, I wasn’t quite ready for that yet.One day, I hoped to be, but not right now.

When every box was finally stored in the sunroom, I went upstairs to take a hot shower, mindful that dinner was going to be ready soon.While Kasimir had a household staff to attend to all our needs, he cooked our meals personally.Granted, I wasn’t eating much lately, but it was still a sweet and considerate gesture, one that I truly appreciated.

Stepping underneath the hot spray, I waited to see if the warmth could help ease some of the anger still swirling deep in the pit of my stomach, but something told me that it wasn’t going to.