Page 9 of Keeping My Enemies Closer: Pt. 2

Chapter 5

Zoya~

I felt numb, and I had no idea if that was a good thing or a bad thing.A week later, I was staring into nothingness, something that I found myself doing a lot.

After Kasimir had lectured me on responsibility in the library last week, the second that he had walked out of the room, I’d known that I’d been wrong.However, instead of calling me on it, he’d left me to figure out my shit on my own, and when I’d finally found him to apologize, he’d been in his home gym, fighting off the frustration that he’d been feeling because of me.

I had stood in the doorway, and even with everything that had been going on and still was, I’d stood just outside the room, watching his body move like a poetic symphony of strength and masculinity.His skin had shown under the lights with a sexy sheen of perspiration, and his tattoos had danced with each punch and kick to the bag.Evil or not, Kasimir Korolev was mouth-watering gorgeous, and whether he meant to or not, he wove a spell around even the hardest of hearts.

Luckily for me, Kasimir had chosen not to hold a grudge, and when he had finally noticed me standing in the doorway, he had waited for me to go to him, and when I’d gotten close enough, tears had wracked my body, and Kasimir’s sweaty arms had immediately wrapped around me, letting me cry out everything that I’d been feeling then.

Once I had managed to calm down, Kasimir had held me in his arms while I had called my grandparents to tell them about my mother.Even though I hadn’t spoken to them in over a year, ever since my uncle had been killed, my grandmother had answered my call rather quickly, immediately babbling in a mashup of English and Russian, telling me how happy she was to hear from me.

It had broken my heart all over again.

However, after I’d finally broken the news to my grandmother, unable to continue to speak with me, my grandfather had taken the phone from her, and once I’d told him the same thing that I’d told my grandmother, he’d gone on a rant about how he refused to be without both his children, and he had demanded that I send my mother’s ashes to them, so that she could rest in peace next to my uncle.

Guilt over how I’d gotten my mother into this situation had made me agree to his demands, but I hadn’t ever imagined how empty I’d feel without even my mother’s ashes to mourn with.Nevertheless, I’d had my mother cremated, then had shipped her ashes to my grandparents, and now I had nothing left of her.Oh, I still had her house, and everything was going to go to me since she didn’t have a will, but even once the probate phase was finalized, it was still going to be nothing but stuff.Furniture that I didn’t need, clothing that didn’t fit me...nothing that was going to help me mourn.Except for a few pictures and mementoes that weren’t replaceable, my mother was gone and she was never coming back.I also didn’t care how bad things had been between us.One year of ugliness hadn’t erased twenty-nine years of her being a good mom.

I was also healing, which meant that it wouldn’t be long before Viktor and Kasimir finally demanded more answers from me.The scrapes and bruises were now faint scars and a dark yellow, and my face was back to its regular shape, though some bruised coloring still lingered a bit.My ribs still hurt like hell, but my fingers didn’t feel so bad, and I no longer had to wear a sling for the gunshot wound.

As for Ruby’s, the doctor had taken me off work for a month, and Kasimir had insisted that I use that time in reference to my two-weeks’ notice, and knowing that there was no way that I could work side-by-side with Marcelle anymore, I hadn’t fought him on it.So, I had called Lowell, had told him what had happened, and luckily, with the story making local news headlines, he hadn’t doubted me, offering his condolences and wishing me the best.

He wasn’t the only one that I’d spoken to, either.Everyone that I had worked with had called me to offer me their condolences as well, and I had answered every call, appreciating their concerns.The only calls that I hadn’t answered had been Marcelle’s, calling and texting just to cover her ass, I was sure.Her texts had been filled with fake concern, and the one voice message that she’d left had been just more of the same.Little did she know that I knew the truth.

Grief was also a tricky thing that I was trying my best to navigate.It was said that there were five stages of grief, that a person first experienced denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, then finally, acceptance, but that wasn’t true.Since I hadn’t had anything to bargain with, I was teetering between anger and depression, and even if I was lucky enough to reach acceptance, what would I be accepting?That I was the reason that my mother was dead?

Great.

I mean, those five stages of grief were for normal people, normal situations.An accidental car wreck.An accidental safety hazard at work.Even a debilitating illness that couldn’t be cured.Those stages weren’t for someone who was the reason behind the loss, and no matter how much my mind tried to tell me that this was all Marcelle’s fault for being greedy, it didn’tfeelthat way.

It also didn’t matter that I’d also been shot and left for dead.My heart was convinced that I was the villain in this story, and I had no idea how to get past the pain and anger of my own mistakes.I was standing where I was because of choices that I’d made, and nobody else.I could have done thing so much differently from the moment that we’d been informed of my uncle’s death, but I had chosen to let things spiral out of control because I’d been too weak to take control of the situation that my mother and I had been placed in.Aurora Korolev had extended me her protection, and instead of doing something positive with the opportunity, I had let my mother’s grief over my uncle take us down.

“Are you making good use out of that thing?’

I looked up from the chaise lounge that was quickly becoming the only place where I felt comfortable, and it was to see Kasimir walking into the library, eyeing me like my very existence was breaking his heart.

“Luckily, my account was still active,” I replied.“All my books were still available when I fired it up and signed in.”

After mentioning how my e-reader had broken, Kasimir had gotten me a new one the very next day.The only problem was that my account was now tied to a credit card that wasn’t mine and Kasimir had made it clear that me getting a job was not going to change the dynamics of our relationship.He’d made it clear that he would provide for me-married or not-and I could do whatever I wanted with my paychecks as long as I didn’t use any of my money to pay bills, cover any kind of household expenses, or buy myself anything.When I had asked him what was left, he said that I could give my paychecks to the homeless; he didn’t care.