Page 56 of In a Perfect World

“Is that all?”

“Kairo, listen to me-”

“Listen to what?”I snapped.“What more is there to say, Dad?Triana got caught crossing the border, she’s been arrested and will spend the rest of her life in prison, and Administrator Cortez will be announcing it to everyone within the hour.What else is there to say?”

I watched him let out a heavy sigh as he slid his hands in his pockets.“Kairo, if they let her go, then it opens up an ugly can of worms that we’ve worked too hard to keep a lid on.I hope you can see that one day.”

“You want to know what I see?”I bit out.“I see that, for all of my money, education, and upbringing, I’m lacking the only thing that matters in a person’s character, and that’s integrity.I’ve absolutely no integrity, and if you think that time will erase that glaring fact, you’re wrong.I’m going to lay my head down every night wondering what they’re doing to her, and if I’m lucky, I won’t put a bullet in my brain a year from now.”

“Don’t talk like that,” he snapped.“I mean it, Kairo.I understand that you’re upset, but that is not something to remark on lightly.”

“You have two other sons, you’ll be just fine, Dad,” I replied ruthlessly.“Now, if there’s nothing else, I need to get back to work.”

“Kairo, this is bigger than just the love story between you and Triana,” he said, trying to reason with me again.“You have to be able to see that.”

“Oh, I see it,” I assured him.“I see it, I understand it, and I can even accept it.Still, that doesn’t change anything.I will forever be the guy that...you know, what?Never mind, just...I need to get back to work.”

“You’re a good man, Kairo-”

“And that’s where you’re wrong, Dad,” I argued.“I’m not a man at all.A man wouldn’t do what I did, and he sure as fuck wouldn’t have done it to the woman that he claims to love.No...I’m a coward, that’s what I am.A coward who enjoyed the perks of his life too much to take a chance on anything else.”

“You took a huge risk when you crossed that creek the first time, Kairo,” he said.“Don’t forget that.”

“Which only makes things worse, if you ask me,” I retorted.“I was willing to take a risk as long as it wasn’t too big of a risk.As long as it didn’t cost me too much, then I was all in.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, son,” he sighed.

“Right now, while you’re telling me that I’m being too hard on myself, jail guards could be dragging Triana out of her cell to do the most unspeakable things to her, but I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because it’s not a good look,” I said, and I could see it finally registering that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me right now.

“I’ll come by when you get off work, so that we can talk some more,” he said, and I recognized his tone well enough to hear the demand in it.

I didn’t say anything as he left my office, and like a glutton for punishment, I didn’t return to the lab until after the news announcement had been made, and when I watched the footage of Triana being led to one of the many holding cell buildings that lined the border, I had to pull my trashcan from underneath my desk, everything that I’d eaten in the past couple of days spewing forward.

This was real.

Triana was in jail.

She was in jail in another country, and there was nothing that I could do about it.Yeah, I could make a public plea and confess everything, but that still wouldn’t make Mexico obligated to send her back to me.Right now, Mexico had the upper hand, and I had no idea how I was expected to exist after this.Triana was only twenty-four, and the thought of her spending the next fifty years of her life in that hell was enough to cut me off at the knees.

She was in jail because of me.

She was in jail because of me, yet my father didn’t want me to be too hard on myself.