Page 159 of With the Assist

“It’s empty, okay?”

She blinks at me impatiently. “Because you love him.”

I frown. “No.”

“You love him.” She says again, nodding her head at me.

“I can’t. It wasn’t supposed to be anything.” I can feel the tears forming and close my eyes, forcing them back.

“Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be anything, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t.” Avery grabs my shoulder. “Why did you push him away?”

“I can’t risk this. Not right now. Not with everything on the line. Everyone needs me.” My breath starts to come faster.

Fuck.

Luckily, Avery recognizes the signs of my anxiety spirals, having helped me through them before. She moves me to the bench and pushes my head down to my knees.

“My schedule. The team. My dream. I can’t—”

“You can’t what?” Avery asks, her voice sharper now, though still concerned. “Love someone? Be happy?”

I shake my head. “It’s not that simple. I missed my one-on-one session because of him. I overslept.”

Avery raises an eyebrow.

“I was with him. I got distracted. I…”

She cuts me off with a soft laugh, sitting down next to me. “Wes, shit happens. It’s not the end of the world.”

I look at her, swallowing the lump in my throat. “You don’t get it. I’ve spent twenty-two years dreaming of this. I’ve only known him since November. That can’t be worth losing out on the National Team, not when I’ve worked my entire life for this. My family counts on me. The team counts on me. I don’t get to,” I trail off, frustrated.

Avery grips my shoulders now, forcing me to meet her gaze. “Your team doesn’t need you perfect. We need you human. We need someone who can show us how to live on and off the field, not grind endlessly until everything else dies.”

I blink, absorbing her words, the truth sticking like ice in my chest.

“And your family is proud of you,” she continues, voice softening. “They’ll be proud of you even if you aren’t on the U.S. Women’s National Team. It’s not your responsibility to be a martyr, sacrificing every ounce of happiness for a dream you had as a kid. You’re allowed to want both. You’re allowed to want more.”

She shakes her head slowly, as if trying to knock some sense into me. “Dreams change, Wes. Sometimes they change altogether. Sometimes they just expand. Why can’t your dream be the World Cup with Nathan in the stands supporting you? Why does it have to be all or nothing?”

Her words hang in the air. The picture she’s painted settles somewhere deep.

I nod slowly, because I know she’s right.

I pushed Nathan away because I was worried he would get in the way of my dreams, only to realize too late that he was already a part of the very dreams I was desperately trying to save.

“Maybe you're right, but it’s too late.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “I hurt him.”

Avery smiles, just the faintest upturn of lips. “If anyone can fix it, it’s you. So go out there tonight, and show the coaches what you’ve got. You can win Nathan back tomorrow.”

I take a deep breath, shoulders loosening. She lets go of me, and I feel lighter. Maybe the field isn’t the only place where I can chase what I want.

Until the whispers start.

“Oh, shit.”

Becca’s and Haley’s voices are low, but not low enough. They murmur Nathan’s name and something about a video. I freeze.

My head snaps toward them. “What the hell is going on?” I ask, voice sharp, heart already picking up pace.