Page 149 of With the Assist

The music surges, someone shouting for shots, and suddenly I can’t stand here another second without saying something worse.

“Anyway,” I mutter, already stepping back. “I’m going to grab a drink.”

She nods once, reflexive. “Yeah. Sure.”

I don’t wait. I don’t look back. I cut toward the bar like it’s a lifeline, elbowing through bodies, my pulse roaring in my ears. I grip the edge of the counter harder than necessary and signal to the bartender, jaw tight.

Smooth, Wilder. Real smooth.

I stare at the bottles lined up behind the bar and try to swallow past my heart in my throat while I wait for my drink. Once I have it, I down the first sip fast, welcoming the burn.

I hate that I said it.

I hate more that some part of me meant it exactly the way it sounded.

It makes me feel like an asshole I don’t recognize.

I tell myself I’m not watching her, but even from across the room, I can feel her presence.

From the bar, over the rim of my glass, I find her easily. I’m pretending to listen to Liam argue with the bartender about tequila brands, while I watch Wesley laugh in a loose circle with her teammates. Her shoulders are relaxed in a way they weren’t when she talked to me.

That’s the part that gets me.

I drink faster after that. One beer turns into two, which turns into me losing track somewhere around the third round of shots to celebrate the birthday girl. The edges of the room soften. The noise gets louder and farther away at the same time.

At some point, I end up back at their table.

I don’t remember deciding to go there. I just… am.

I drop into an empty chair with unsteady and careless movements. My lips tilt up in a grin as if I’m not totally aware that Wesley is close enough to touch.

Liam looks up immediately, eyes narrowing. “Hey, you good?”

“Never better,” I reply, reaching for a beer that isn’t mine.

That’s when she appears. Some blonde that I’m sure we’ve seen here before. Her dress is short, and her makeup is dark. I hardly notice anything else about her before she takes it upon herself to slide onto my lap as if it were reserved for her. She has full confidence and zero hesitation.

I almost slide her off me. It’s a knee-jerk response to the feeling that I belong to someone else, but I don’t.

I never really did either.

It stings sharply enough that I decide to let her stay.

Her arm loops around my neck. “Well, hello.”

Liam’s hand clamps down on my shoulder hard enough to register through the alcohol. “Nathan,” he says sharply. “Get up.”

“Relax,” I mutter, waving him off. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not. Don’t do this.”

I turn my head, glaring at him. “Fuck off.”

The words are louder than I mean them to be. People glance over, and the whispers start. I can almost track the murmurs as they make their way to Wesley.

The girl in my lap laughs. My hands stay pinned to my side while she wraps herself around me. The idea of touching her makes me sick to my stomach. But…

I sit there and let it look bad.