Page 16 of R&B Mixtape

“Are you not joining me?”

“Nah. You need some time alone.”

“Prez…”

I knew what she was asking but I wasn’t trying to get tangled up in her web of confusion. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be, but I couldn’t make decisions for her. Coming to me was going to have to be all her.

“Relax Princess. I’ll be back.” I took a few steps before I heard her exiting the tub. Turning around, I asked, “What you doing, Vee?”

“I won’t relax until you do it with me so I guess we both will be tensed up.”

She was stubborn and because of that, I knew she wasn’t going to let this go. I removed my clothes and stepped into the tub without hesitation. It was something a nigga had thought of often but never had the privilege to engage in such a thing. She stepped back inside and centered herself in between my legs. That skin-to-skin contact was something different.

“How you find out about his wife?” I threw the million-dollar question out there.

“She texted, I read the message, then opened the thread and saw what was really going on.”

“You had that nigga passcode?” She nodded, and I shook my head. If she had access to the nigga like that, then why the fuck did she wait to see what the fuck was up from the jump.

“To answer what you’re thinking, I didn’t think I had a reason to. No man and I do mean no man gave up their password so easily if they’re doing something they have no business.”

“Nah, that nigga been playing you from jump. You so damn ditzy that he knew giving you his password would give you security. Damn you gullible as hell.”

“Watch how you speak to me Prez. I mean it.”

After placing a kiss on her neck, I apologized. “My bad, princess. It won’t happen again.”

Silence found us as she stayed wrapped up in my arms. I could admit that it felt nice, but this wasn’t our reality. She was hurting and needed comfort but when this shit was over, she was going to go on about her day as if she didn’t see a nigga heart on his sleeve.

“Remember when we were kids, and your mom would make us little heart shaped cookies and tell us we were made for each other… I miss those days.”

“I asked her to make me a specific one to give to you and instead of you saying yes, you said no, and laughed like I was the butt of the joke. That hurt my feelings you know.”

“It did not.” She slapped my arm and laughed it off.

“It did. I learned how to keep my heart guarded and not even tap into my feelings anymore. You shut me down and that changed me in so many ways.”

She turned around to face me and when she seen how serious I was, I received a sympathetic glare. She wasn’t perfect andneither was I, but we meshed well and before she allowed us to even grow and mature together, she said fuck me and went on doing her.

“Really? I’m sorry Prez. We were ten and I didn’t know what a boyfriend was at the time. Why would you carry something like that for so long without speaking on it?”

“All it takes is for you to say no one time and I’m done trying. I wasn’t going to pressure you or make you love me the same way I loved you.”

“That’s not how it’s supposed to be, and you know it. We’ve been each other’s priority for how long and you thought the best thing to do was hide your real intentions for me. And since when did your infatuation with me become love?”

“The only thing I’m infatuated with is your intelligence other than that, a nigga is in love with everything about you. When we moved next door to y’all, I begged my mom to go and play in your sandbox. She asked Ms. Lynn and after that, we met up in the sandbox every day.”

“We damn sure did. Rain, sleet, or snow, your behind was in my backyard eating up all my snacks.”

“What started out as a crush, grew into a strong like by the time we were in the fifth grade. Shit, middle school a nigga was die hard in love and it’s been the same ever since. I ain’t never want to be with somebody so bad the way I wanted to with you.”

She dropped her head, and I could tell she had her own lil debate going on with herself. The time I spent going through women was me avoiding gaining feelings for anyone else. I didn’t like how it felt to be so vulnerable, so I chose to do me and stay the fuck away from that love bullshit. Sad thing was, I loved women. I just couldn’t be with them and give them the option to hurt me.

“Well, since we’re on the topic of feelings, I might as well tell you how I really feel about you too then, huh?”

She was still facing me but decided to get more comfortable by straddling my lap. We sat in the middle of the tub entangled like a couple that had been at this shit for years. I loved having her this close. This time felt more intimate than any other time we’d shared over the years.

“Do as you please princess. I’m not asking you to do a damn thing. I was simply telling you how a nigga been feeling all this time.”