Page 25 of Bad Decisions & Back Roads

It was the way she looked at me.Fear, yeah, but worse than that… She’d been braced for judgment from me.She had expected me to see her as less.Underneath the strong, talented woman she’d become, she tried to hide something vulnerable and ashamed.

I dragged both hands down my face and dropped onto the top porch step, elbows on my knees, head hanging because I couldn’t hold it up anymore.

Bagel sat down next to me, quiet and there.I put a hand on his head for a moment but even that seemed like too much effort.

Gia hadn't moved, her luminous green eyes searching mine, but she'd somehow become smaller.She never used to let anyone see her bend, but now looked fragile.Someone had done that to her.Someone had hurt her enough to make her feel insignificant.

All I’d wanted was to pull her into me and not let go.I wanted to cover her up from the world, from the evil shit who bruised her, and from the look in her own eyes.I wanted to tell her no one should be abused like that.Ever.

She mattered.

Shit, she stillmatteredto me.I remained bitter about her shutting me down when I pulled out the L-word and fleeing the county right after.Hell, my emotions were still as raw as the day it’d happened even though it’d been a lifetime ago.I wasn’t ready to let go of her betrayal, but beyond that, shematteredto me.

I sucked in a breath that shook on the way down and didn’t come back out right.I wanted to see her eyes sparkle to life again like they had for those few minutes she was teasing me about having “fun”.

I pressed my palms into my eyes until sparks flared behind them.

I wished to scrub the agony of her reentering my world from my head.She left me more than sixteen years ago.She hadn’t wanted me or my help.

Logically, I understood she’d escaped an awful situation, which meant none of this should’ve still had a hold on her.I used to picture her spending hours in therapy, learning how to live with what her father had done and somehow move beyond it.Just like I’d sat through therapy after my youngest brother died, trying to untangle the grief and anger buried inside me.Not that it had cured the anger.I learned how to hide it better.

That foul McClary bastard had gotten to her again.One look at her told me she was nowhere close to being free of what he’d done to her as a child.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

Bagel rested his head on my thigh as if sensing my hurt.

I wanted to drive over to Deck’s place to make sure she wasn’t there.I wouldn’t…couldn’t.If I found her in his bed, I’d kill Deck.Then I’d lose the only employee who reliably showed up for work, and I’d end up in prison for stupidity.

Someone dropped down beside me.

I flinched hard, shoulders jerking and heart kicking because I’d been caught contemplating homicide.I hadn’t even heard her approach the house.

Mom didn’t say anything.She pulled me into her.

At first, I was stiff, but then I gave in.It was never worth fighting her hugs.Mom gave me the kind of hug Gia had probably never had.

“This is about way more than Milly leaving the state, isn’t it?”Mom’s hand slid into my hair, brushing it back like I was a kid with skinned knees instead of a grown man who should have his shit together.“I saw it all over you when you picked up Sofia.”

“Yeah.”My voice scraped out, rough enough it didn’t sound like mine.

“Sofia’s fine.She doesn’t need that deadbeat mom.We’ve got her.You already have full legal custody, but I talked to the lawyer this morning to start all the paperwork to make sure there’s no way Milly can return in a few weeks or years and think she can take her away.”

“Thanks.”I swallowed hard.

She didn’t let go.“Who is she, then?”

I pulled out of her arms to get some space and turned slightly away like that might make this easier.It didn’t.

“What do you mean?”I asked, too quick.

“You don’t fool me.”Her tone softened, but there was steel under it.“I’ve watched you try with women.First that girl you married, who rightfully divorced you within six months, and then Milly.None of them ever got under your skin.They couldn’t reach you, or maybe they didn’t try.It wasn’t this.This… What you’re feeling is the kind of thing that breaks people.”

I dragged both hands over my face, pressing hard like I could shove the past back where it belonged.“A long time ago…” My voice faltered.I had to start again.“Back in high school…” Admitting it out loud made something twist low in my gut.“There was someone.”

Silence stretched, waiting.

“She…” I dragged a hand through my hair and caught my grip in it for a second before letting go.“She saw through all my bullshit.Saw past what everybody else bought into.Wouldn’t let me hide behind it.”I swallowed hard.“We were both a mess in high school.Mean and reckless.We acted out because neither of us knew what the hell to do with what we were carrying.”My throat tightened.“She needed me.”The words came out rough.“Her father…” I blew out a breath through my nose.“That son of a bitch put his hands on her.Hit her.”