Page 83 of Make It Last

“And then she dumped me,” I finished dryly.

“Yeah,” Kincaid said. “Probably for the best.”

I pressed a hand to my chest in mock outrage. “Wow. Supportive.”

I was well over Laney and had been for years. The conversation we’d had before I left for this fire had felt final, adding a definitive period at the end of that chapter. “I’m over Laney,” I said. “Completely. It’s better we didn’t stay together.”

Graham leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Sure. But you haven’t been serious with anyone since.”

Somewhere beyond the dark line of trees, smoke drifted in a low haze. I stared into it for a long moment before answering. “No,” I admitted. “I haven’t.”

“And?” Hudson prompted.

I ran a hand through my hair. “And I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” That was the truth of it.

I missed Ava. More than made sense for the amount of time we’d known each other. I thought about her constantly when my thoughts weren’t occupied with work. The way she smiled. The way she said my name.

“So just… I don’t know. Shit,” I muttered.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Graham said. “We know what it’s like here. Small town, word travels. Nobody thinks you’d hurt her on purpose.”

“Josie offered her a job,” Wes chimed in from my wide. “And Tiffany told me she’s adopting Growly and moving here.”

“Oh my God.” I shook my head, half laughing. “Information moves at light speed in this town.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t know this. Still, hearing my personal life laid out like an online neighborhood update was something else.

Leo cleared his throat. “Look, we all know you’re solid. So either tell us you’re gonna be good to Ava. Or acknowledge you’re treating her like every other situationship you’ve had since you and Laney.”

I barked out a laugh. “Wow. Subtle.”

“No,” Graham said evenly. “Serious.”

I sobered. Smoke curled into the night.

“I like Ava. A lot,” I said finally. “I guess what I’ll say is this. I’m not sure what she wants.”

Graham didn’t blink. “What do you want?”

The question hit me like a dropped tree thudding to the ground. What do you want? It played on a loop in my head long after he asked it.

The guys were decent enough to let the topic drop. They had made their point. I wanted Ava, and I wanted more than I had ever had with Laney. That realization should have been simple, yet it wasn’t. Because how the hell did I get there with her when I didn’t even know what she wanted?

She might want forever. She might want a fresh start and nothing serious. My own doubts were loud and relentless.

While I knew I was over Laney, the comments she’d said when we broke up were sharp in my thoughts. Too steady and boring. Words that had once felt like strengths had felt like flaws.

The worst part was how they hooked into something older, something uglier. The tension between my parents. The way my dad had twisted everything. If your mother was different, I wouldn’t have to be this way.

As if her being anything could have justified his temper, his control, and his cruelty. Intellectually, I knew that was bullshit. No one makes someone else abusive. No one forces cruelty out of another person. But when you grow up absorbing that kind of warped lesson, it settles in and whispers on occasion. Maybe if you were different. Maybe if you were more. Maybe if you were less.

I didn’t want to be my father. I didn’t want to be the guy who blamed a woman for his own shortcomings. I didn’t want to be the guy who hurt someone because he was afraid.

What do you want?

I wanted Ava’s laugh. Her sass. The way she looked at me like I was her solid ground. Maybe, just maybe, I wanted to be brave enough to say that out loud.

Chapter Thirty-Nine