Page 79 of Make It Last

My heart twisted in my chest, but I marshaled myself. This was no big deal. I had only known Tanner for a little while. He was going to be gone for two weeks. Meanwhile, I would figure out when I would fly home, and everything would be fine.

“Does your mom miss you when you’re gone working?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Most likely. Do you know when you’re leaving yet?” he asked. “Have you thought about that?”

“I don’t know. I need to figure out the flight and all that. I see my doctor today. We’ll figure out if I can start putting weight on this foot.”

Suddenly, I wanted to cry. I wanted to text him every day about small things, but I wouldn’t get the chance. He would be way out of range for calls and texts.

“You be safe.” I pointed at him, tapping my fingertip against his chest.

His lips twitched at the corners, and my belly did a little flip. God, I wanted him. All over again.

“I’m always safe. You be careful with your ankle.”

“I will.”

He gave me a slow kiss, and I thought I might cry when he drew away. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Okay,” I said softly. “Text me before you fly out.”

“I will. It’ll be later this afternoon.”

I gave him one more quick kiss and watched as he left. After the sound of his tires on gravel faded, I plunked down on the couch and glanced over at Growly. “I am an idiot,” I announced.

Growly, who slept an impressive amount of the time, opened one eye. Then apparently deciding something important was happening, he opened the other one, got up, and came over to curl against my hip.

I idly dragged my fingers through Growly’s fur. I loved his little, battered ear and the way he was kind of rough-and-tumble. He had been through some life stuff, seen some things, and it made me feel like, well, he understood me better.

My sigh was audible, and I blinked away tears that startled me. I needed to do something. Anything. I reached for my phone and tapped out a text to Tiffany.

Me: It’s official. I’m moving. I’m going to tell everyone.

I didn’t even really have a plan, but I needed to send that text. I needed to make it official.

“But what if it doesn’t work out with Tanner?” I asked out loud, looking down at Growly.

He simply pressed his head a little harder into the side of my hip.

“Except I’m not doing this for Tanner,” I added in this one-way conversation. “I’m not doing this for Tanner.”

I wasn’t running away. I was facing the reality that I didn’t want to return to the life I’d had before. I loved my parents, but I knew how it would be if I was close to them again. The role I had taken on as a child, smoothing things over, making sure everything was okay while simultaneously staying out of the way, would slide right back into place. I would still take care of them. I had faith I could earn the salary I needed.

Josie hadn’t gone into the details yet, and I really needed to have that conversation with her, but I trusted her. I knew she wouldn’t screw me over. I lifted my phone again and noticed belatedly that Tiffany had already replied.

Tiffany: High-five! Busy at work. I’ll call you later.

I smiled and then typed another text, this time to Josie.

Me: Can we have a conversation about that job? I want to officially accept it.

Almost immediately, a buzzy wave of anxiety sparked through me. This was terrifying. I was moving here, actually moving.

My doubts about whether I was worthy of any of this started banging around loudly in my thoughts. Even though I knew, truly knew, that I wasn’t doing this for Tanner, I really, really wanted something good with him.

I already felt more strongly about Tanner than I ever had about Brad, even on our wedding day. In hindsight, I had known, standing there in my dress, that I shouldn’t go through with it. I had been filled with doubt and confusion, but I kept telling myself stability was healthy. That my doubts were normal, that everyone was anxious about getting married. Wrong on all counts.

“I can do this,” I told Growly.