Page 68 of Make It Last

“Well, he saved my life.”

“It’s my job, Kathy,” I replied.

“I know. But you’re special. How are you, by the way?” she asked.

“Well, and yourself?”

Kathy and John had been in a car accident, and their vehicle had rolled far off the highway down an embankment. I had saved Kathy’s life, but she would never know the guilt I carried about how it all went down. That was another lesson for me, somehow tangled up in what happened with Laney. Not because Laney even knew my conflicted feelings about that rescue, but because I was usually a rule follower.

My instincts told me I needed to move faster to reach Kathy, but there was protocol, so I waited for clearance. Had it been even minutes later, she would’ve lost too much blood to survive. I hated thinking about that. I still hadn’t processed this with anyone except my therapist. She’d pointed out that Kathy was alive, that exploring all the what-ifs wouldn’t change anything. She’d reminded me time and again that protocol was there for a reason. She’d asked me to consider if someone else on my crew had been in charge and waited for clearance, would I have blamed them. Of course not. Intellectually, I knew all the answers.

But my heart felt like I’d almost let someone die. Maybe it was tangled up with Laney because two days later, she and I broke up. The two events were closely linked in chronology. Laney telling me I was beige, that I didn’t take enough risks, that I didn’t understand why she needed to leave our small town, because she felt trapped. Rational or not, my heart connected those dots—rule follower, protocol, boring, dutiful.

“You okay, Tanner?” Kathy prompted gently.

I gave myself a mental kick. Kathy never knew my fears around all this. My therapist had suggested telling her because it might help me feel better, but I couldn’t imagine that conversation.

“I’m fine. Always good to see you, Kathy. You too, John.”

Kathy came over and pulled me into a quick hug, cupping my cheeks before stepping back. “You are a good man. Don’t you forget it.”

She said it with so much feeling, sometimes I wondered if she somehow knew what had happened in a way that I didn’t. She said this every time she saw me. “I’ll try not to, Kathy.”

As if fate was cracking a joke, I was back at the station an hour later, getting ready after a workout to head down to Firehouse Café to grab some coffee. I wanted to see Ava again tonight, but she’d already told me Josie was hosting card night at her house. She was excited about it, and I told myself not to think about the possibility that her making friends here might increase the likelihood she might take that job offer.

While I was waiting for my coffee, Casey was joking that Kincaid was trying to learn to braid his daughter’s hair and that she was helping him practice. When the bell on the café door jingled behind me, I knew, without turning to look, who had walked in. Not because my nervous system lit up, but because it didn’t.

“Hi, Tanner.”

When I heard my name, I almost rolled my eyes. Casey looked over, her brow furrowing. “Who’s that? I don’t know her.”

“It’s my ex.”

Casey’s gaze sharpened. “Did she screw you over?”

I shook my head quickly. “No, nothing like that. We just broke up.”

Unconvinced, Casey wrinkled her nose, resting a hand on one hip. “Should I kick her ass?”

I snorted. “I appreciate how protective you are, Casey.”

“Well, you’re my friend, and you’re Kincaid’s friend. You’re part of the pack. I have your back.”

“Hi, Tanner,” Laney said as she stopped beside me at the counter.

“Hey, Laney,” I said, keeping my tone level.

As I looked at her, I took a moment to mentally scan my own body’s reaction. There was nothing there. I’d seen her on occasion since our breakup. She came home for the holidays and visits. It was a small enough town that the odds were high we’d bump into each other.

Her dark hair was pulled back tightly and twisted into a knot. Her pretty brown eyes studied me, and it felt as if she was expecting something. “I was hoping I’d run into you,” she said.

I shrugged. “Well, here I am.”

“Can I help you?” Casey interrupted.

Laney glanced over at her, her gaze cool. That reminded me of something that always grated me a little about her. She’d always had this edge, and she decided who fit into her circles. She’d been popular in high school. I guess I had too, in a different way. My friends were a cross-section of everyone. Hers were exclusive.

“Sure. I’ll just take the house coffee,” she said.