Page 59 of Make It Last

Even though I was outlining it, there was a shaft of disappointment. I ignored it because I had to. The last thing I needed was to fall for Tanner and wish he wanted more from me, when it was very clear he had some issues around any kind of commitment. I pushed those thoughts away.

“I don’t think we want to rush into sex,” Tanner said.

“I want sex. The whole thing,” I cut in.

Tanner dipped his head, and I could see the curve of his smile. “I hear that. But do we want to rush to that?” He gestured to my foot.

“Oh, don’t worry about my ankle. We can work around that,” I assured him.

“Maybe.”

“It might limit our options, but don’t let that stand in your way, Tanner.”

He laughed softly, and the low sound reverberated through me, like that vibration when you drove over the rumble strips. It made my belly feel funny in a good way.

“Can we just play it by ear?” he asked.

That question hit a sore spot. Not because my ex had ever asked to play anything by ear, but because he had accused me of being too pushy. Except I could never say out loud why I got pushy. I just wanted to get it over with. As soon as sex started with him, my entire goal was figuring out how get to the end so I could be done with it.

I let out a sigh. I also liked to rush because of the whole stupid choking thing, which I hated. We’d had so many arguments about it.

Tanner must have sensed something because his gaze sobered. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly. Because this whole ball of a mess inside me was not a conversation I wanted to have with him. Or frankly, anyone.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am.” I shoved all those doubts and insecurities away, like stuffing them inside a closet and locking the door. I just couldn’t. I knew if I got all up in my head, this would be a disaster.

We’d had so much fun the other night. I didn’t want to ruin it. But I was already starting to think too much.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ava

Competence & chemistry

My hand was still, well, on Tanner’s cock. He reached for it, lacing his fingers with mine.

“It’s okay not to rush. Things are usually better that way. I’m not saying that because I’m some kind of expert.”

“I know. It’s not you.” I paused. “I have to admit, sex with my ex was basically like a chore. So when you asked about playing it by ear, it reminded me how he used to complain when I was just trying to move it along so we could be done.”

“Ava, I’m sorry you went through that.”

I was so embarrassed that I’d told him any of this, I just shrugged. “You know, lesson learned. It’s really good that he cheated on me.”

Tanner looked a little puzzled, and I shrugged again. “Because it made me end it really fast. I needed to do that. We all make mistakes. I believe this, but just because I made the mistake of marrying him, I didn’t have to make it forever.”

“That’s a really good point.”

“How did we get on this topic?”

“You asked me if I missed my ex,” Tanner pointed out.

“Oh, right. Now I’ve just humiliated myself in front of you. Again.”

He shook his head. “You’re just being honest. Hell, I told you I was accused of being beige.”