Page 46 of Make It Last

“I don’t mean this very minute. I mean all of it.”

I opened my mouth to say something else. But I’d already said more than I ever thought I’d tell anyone, so I snapped it shut. “All right. Let’s watch a show.”

It was actually okay. I relaxed. I didn’t feel guilty, like I hadn’t done something right for him. I didn’t worry about what I was doing wrong. Later, when I fell asleep—after he kissed me and left—I smiled in the darkness.

I felt good, like maybe I hadn’t messed this up tonight.

Chapter Twenty

Tanner

Bagels & big feelings

I was still half aroused when I got home that night. The short drive from Ava’s place to mine had barely cooled me off. It had been all I could do not to take things further with her.

Her ex seemed like ten shades of asshole and then some. My gut told me it was important for her not to feel like sex was just a transaction. I didn’t think that transaction had ever actually happened for her. She’d never experienced the other side of the equation, which made it even worse.

Sometimes sex was transactional. I had no judgment around that. Hell, sex work was honorable, in my opinion. I thought back to my ex, the only serious relationship I’d ever had. It hadn’t been perfect, but we’d had fun. Even when she dumped me, she said the one thing she was going to miss was sex.

I was relieved when I took matters into my own hands in the shower. After I toweled off and changed into sweats and a T-shirt, I padded into the living room, dropped onto the couch, and leaned my head back. Life since my ex dumped me three years ago had been one situationship after another even though I didn’t do casual well. At all.

Even those had been spread few and far between because I didn’t trust anyone emotionally and didn’t want anyone to get ideas. Maybe that was because I had my own wounds, and they still stung.

Later, as I drifted off to sleep, all I remembered was the feel of Ava trembling in my arms.

“Hey, hey.”

I glanced over at Leo, who’d just stopped beside me in line at Firehouse Café. “Hey, man, what’s up?”

He waggled his brows. “Coffee and donuts. What’s up with you?”

“Same,” I said with a chuckle.

“Casey working?” I asked.

“Of course. Dropped her off earlier.”

Casey came through the swinging door behind the counter. She smiled brightly when she saw Leo. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hey, babe,” he said, grinning. “She started calling me sweetheart,” he added, turning toward me.

“You two are together. Happily, right?”

“Well, yeah. Dora asked why Casey didn’t call me something sweet, so now I’m sweetheart.” Leo rolled his eyes. “I don’t mind. I feel confident in my masculinity.”

“Good thing,” I teased as Luna came from the back to the counter just as the bell rang on the door behind us.

I glanced over and saw Parker walking in with Griffin, Kincaid, Beck, and Graham—all fellow hotshot firefighters. “Did we all have the same idea this morning?”

“I guess.” Parker shrugged.

“Who’s in charge of buying everybody’s coffee?” Graham quipped.

“Not me,” I said instantly. “I got here first and already ordered a box of donuts.”

Luna smiled as she passed a fresh box across the counter to me. Just then, Janet came out from the back. “Hey, Janet,” we all said in unison.

Janet—owner and founder of Firehouse Café—had known most of us since we were kids. She smiled warmly. “Hi, boys.”