Page 38 of Make It Last

“Oh, right. Grey’s Anatomy because excellent drama and plenty of seasons. I also love Schitt’s Creek for a lighter show and any baking show. I’m going to learn how to bake.”

When Tanner’s low laugh rumbled out, I literally felt it in my belly. This man. Holy wow. He was something special, and he didn’t even know it. I was still trying to recover from his ex-fiancée being stupid enough to dump him.

Once we settled on a show, I started to feel, well, anxious. My crazy kiss with Tanner in the hospital was about as far as my boldness went. Because once I got past kisses, I started to get insecure. In all honesty, I’d only gone further with just one guy—Brad, who made me question everything about sex.

I know, I know, you’re not supposed to say someone made you feel something, but the way it went with him was that kisses were great. Brad really could kiss—I had to give him some points for that—but that was it. That was where the good parts stopped. I couldn’t relax at all. I got tense because he would critique me.

Maybe what should’ve happened, if I’d been able to get out of my own way, was I should’ve just broken up with him. But I didn’t know how it was supposed to go. I just figured—still did—there was something wrong with me. Like I was missing something.

I mentally sighed, fidgeting a little and trying to focus on the show. When I felt Tanner’s gaze shift to me, I glanced over. “What?” I knew my tone was defensive, but oh well.

“You okay?”

I let out a sigh. “Well, now I’m nervous.”

With the television on, I was grateful for the background noise. Maybe the sound could override the doubts bouncing around my brain, practically shouting over loudspeakers.

You don’t know how to do this. You’re going to mess it up. It doesn’t matter. He’s just a guy.

Tanner turned to face me fully. Blessedly, my booted foot was opposite him, and I was situated with my other foot tucked underneath my knee.

“What’s going on, Ava? You look worried.”

“Well, I am worried.” I threw my hands up in the air.

“About what?”

I sucked in a breath and startled the hell out of myself. “I kissed you in the hospital.”

“That was a great kiss, by the way,” he said.

My cheeks got fiery hot. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, you should know my skills end with kisses,” I said, trying to ignore the performance anxiety revving up inside me.

“I’m not sure I understand.” Tanner’s brow furrowed, his gaze genuinely confused.

“Oh my God, am I going to have to explain this to you?”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, but I still don’t understand. That was a great kiss,” he repeated.

“I’m pretty sure I know why my ex cheated on me.”

“Uh, because he’s an asshole.”

I sighed and restlessly tapped my fingertips on the couch cushion. Tanner waited, and I kind of didn’t know what to do with this. He was honestly giving me space to say how I felt, which was an entirely new experience for me.

I waited long enough that I sort of calmed down. Or at least maybe thought I wasn’t going to sound crazy. “Sex isn’t great for me.”

Tanner blinked. “Uh, okay.”

“So I don’t think it was great for my ex. I think I don’t know how to do sex.”

My cheeks were so hot, I didn’t think I could blush harder. I let out a heavy sigh while he waited, looking a little puzzled, with a polite furrow between his brows.

Of course, I kept babbling. “Like, I can start with a kiss like I did with you in the hospital—which honestly, I was just feeling a little crazy then—and I can be bold. But then after that, it stops. I’ve only ever been with my ex, so I don’t know if it’s him or me. But he constantly told me what I was doing wrong. Like when they do the sports analysis, and they have arrows pointing all over the chart.” Tanner’s brows hitched to his hairline. “Yeah, like that’s what it felt like.” He winced. Since I couldn’t shut up, I kept talking. “It was awful. Or... not great. I couldn’t relax enough to, you know...”