Page 76 of Left of Forever

Micah tries to plop his body between Ellis and me, which makes Ellis bodily remove him and shove him back toward where he came from.

“Fine, damn,” he whispers. “Indy, come with me. The view is better, anyway.”

When they’ve settled back into their hiding spots, I meet Ellis’s stare. “How’s the tattoo? Lying like this doesn’t feel good.”

He pats the spot high on his thigh, where, under his jeans, he’s got a bandage covering a tattoo, twin to the one I’ve got on mine. We haven’t planned when exactly we’ll do a ceremony yet, but we wrote our own vows to one another in the meantime. His is in my handwriting, mine is in his.

“I kinda like the little bit of pain. Reminds me they’re there,” he says. But just past his head, I can make out a bright neon light on the water.

“Shhh, they’re here. Duck down!”

We go as still as we can manage, lowering down behind the log until we can’t see Fisher and Sage in their little glass-bottom kayak anymore, relying on sound to know when they’ve made it onto the shore.

“That was kind of a short ride,” we hear Sage observe curiously. “What are your plans with me?” she asks, an implication in her voice like she hopes they’re not innocent. We hear the unmistakable sounds of kissing. Ellis’s mouth quirks down at the corners. I smother a laugh.

“I have so many plans, Sage,” says Fisher. That devious man knows all three of her brothers are within earshot. I respect him for it. “But mostly, I just want the everyday stuff. I want to knowwhat your hair looks like when you wake up in the morning when we’re sixty. I want to see what robe you wear next week.”

I can feel Sage’s laugh in my solar plexus, like her happiness is my own. My eyes start to fill when I notice Ellis’s already have.

“I meant here, as in, onshore,” says Sage. “Did you pack a blanket or something this time? You know after last time, it took like a week to get all the sand out of your—”

“I know what you meant,” he quickly says. “I’m talking about making plans for something else, sweetheart.”

“Oh! Oh, okay,” she says. “We can make plans for whatever you want.”

“I was sorta hoping you’d say that,” says Fisher.

We hear Sage gasp, and I imagine Fisher’s gone down to one knee.

“Sage,” Fisher starts, emotion roughening his words. “I didn’t know what I was doing when Indy came to me. I didn’t know what I was doing when I showed up here. You helped me see that it was okay not to know. You helped me take care of my moments, and time took over from there. I don’t know what the future will look like with me. I don’t know if I’ll end up with my own place, and I don’t know if I’ll struggle for money. I don’t know if I’ll make a good husband.” His swallow is audible. “I don’t know if I’ll make a good dad. But I sure as hell know I’ll try. I just want—I want to keep trying life withyou. I will do everything in my power to make every minute I get with you count. But. But would you please plan on forever with me? Would you be my wife and spend your life with me?”

Ellis leans over and kisses me, his smile glowing in the moonlight. His happy tears pelt the sand beneath us.

“Yes,” Sage manages to say, and we all jump up from our spots. Neither Fisher or Sage even flinch in surprise. They’re toobusy reaching for one another and crying and laughing into each other’s mouths. I start snapping photos just as Indy gets Sam on FaceTime, and the Byrd brothers all cheer, jogging over and huddling around into one great hug. Fisher’s head manages to stick out above the blob, and he looks over to me and mouths,Thank you.I keep on taking pictures.

“Don’t thank me yet!” I call over, just in time for Micah, Silas, and Ellis to each grab a part of Fisher, peel him away from Sage, and haul him into the frigid Pacific. Fisher bursts up from the water, sputtering and gasping and cursing up a storm, while Indy and all the Byrds laugh their asses off.

“It’s like an initiation!” I yell to him, then screech when Ellis tosses me over his shoulder and starts to carry me up the beach back to our car.

“I love you, Sagey! Congrats!” I say.

“I love you, too! Thank you!” she calls back, gathering a shivering, wet Fisher into her arms.

Ellis and I race up the stairs when we get home, tossing our sandy-damp clothes in a heap when we practically skid into our room. I press him down onto our bed and kiss the still-healing vows on his thigh before I take him into my mouth and love him that way as long as he’ll let me. It’s just him and me here, and we’re as loud as we want to be. We laugh when we get tangled in our sheets and topple onto the floor, where he puts me on my knees and elbows and makes love to me from behind, holding my hand on my shoulder the whole way through, like one extra piece of connection.

When we lie in bed together after, he holds one of my hands to his chest while we talk about mundane things. He goes back to work tomorrow after having a few days off. It’ll be Silas’s first week back to work after being off for eleven months, too. Twodays ago, I got to meet Lennon Kirby on a FaceTime call. She’s adorable and playfully harasses Ellis, and I love it. If she lived closer, I would be scheming to set her up with Micah.

We talk about what I’m planning to make this week at the bakery. I want to try a few things with pistachios, and he lets out a little whine and asks me to make sure I can make a few of them when he comes back, too. I’m not sure at what point he drifts off, but when his hand loosens over mine, I bring it down to trace over the words in his skin, just before I feel myself slipping away, too.

If you’re lost, I’ll find you.

I’ll give you my body, my heart, and my soul.

I’ll cherish every bit of yours in return.

I’ll fight with you. I’ll fight for you.

I’ll love you for everything left of forever, in every lifetime we get.