Page 37 of Kick the Candle (Knight Games 2)
"There are rules for a reason."
"All you had to do was interrupt her, jump down from your perch and say 'hey Anna, did this guy consent to this?'" I tossed up my hands in frustration. "You could have used your power to compel the truth out of Gary. You didn't have to fight Anna or start a supernatural war. All you had to do was your job! You should have made sure Gary was able to consent."
Rick looked toward the cemetery. "It didn't occur to me at the time."
"It didn't occur to you?" I gaped at him. "Can you honestly say that no part of you wanted him to die?"
He blinked at me and I got the strangest mix of emotions over our connection. I couldn't decipher all of them: defensiveness, possessiveness, guilt, and under the lot of it, love. I didn't want to feel that part at the moment. It was like finding a rose blossoming in the center of dog poop.
"I did not kill Gary," he said. "The boy consented. I heard Anna ask for his consent, and I heard him answer in the positive. I couldn't interfere without risking a backlash from her and her supporters. True, his response might have been compelled. I didn't think so."
"You didn't think so, but you didn't check."
"No."
I shook my head.
He rushed me, grabbing my shoulders and shaking. His black eyes met mine. "I would be dishonest if I said I was disappointed. He left you, stole your money. You deserved better."
Through my teeth, I let him know I wasn't buying it. "Gary said he was compelled by Anna to do those things. Why would you assume his consent wasn't compelled too? If you'd been following us, you had to know there was some compulsion going on. And if you suspected any compulsion at all then you should have suspected she compelled his consent. You let him die-"
"It was meant to be!" he snapped. He paced away from me, hands on his naked hips. I was reminded again how cold it was outside.
"Julius says you manipulated me to get what you wanted, to secure your place as my caretaker."
Rick whirled on me, finger pointing at my nose. "You can't believe that."
"I don't know what to believe." I spread my hands. "I'm supposed to be this all powerful witch but it's you who are immortal. It doesn't make logical sense. If I was as powerful as you say I was, why did I need you?"
His face paled, then contorted as if he was at a loss for words. "I can't explain to you why. The magic wasn't my doing."
I shook my head. "You are keeping something from me. You may not have lied to me outright, but you didn't tell me the entire truth. This is a pattern with you. Just like when we first met. You have to be upfront with me. I want to know the truth. The whole truth."
He brought his face close to mine. "The truth is, I died every day I saw you with Gary. I'd waited so long to have you back." Closing his eyes, he said, "I was happy the day she turned him. I knew our meeting was close then. When I finally had you, I delayed telling you because I knew it would be difficult for you to believe. I wanted you to have time to enjoy the unfolding of who you are." His eyes opened again and they were black as death. "But I am your Caretaker. You chose me for this role. I didn't lie to you about that or anything else. You needed me. Julius is deceiving you."
What could I say to that? Everything he said was plausible, even if not entirely logical. And as I searched our connection, he seemed to be telling the truth. Still, one thought ate at me. If he knew what Gary had meant to me, how could he let him die, knowing how it would hurt me?
"I floundered for months," I whispered. "I contemplated suicide. Do you remember, Rick, how I had to see a therapist because I thought I was unlovable. Your inaction left me destitute. I barely avoided bankruptcy for God's sake!" The memories of that time in my life left my chest heavy with anger and betrayal. At that moment, I wanted to hurt Rick like he'd allowed me to be hurt.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. He did not sound sorry. "I wish it could have been different, but things happen for a reason."
Whether Rick realized it or not, he'd injured me. I knew I should ask him more about Mill Wheel and if what Gary said went on there was true, but I couldn't get past the personal stuff. Gary's abandonment had caused major issues in every aspect of my life, and he had the nerve to stare at me with that icy expression and say everything unfolded like it was supposed to? Fuck that. Fuck him.
"You know what I wish? I wish I'd had a choice! I wish I'd never made you my caretaker. Magic may bind me to you but make no mistake, Rick, if I had a choice I'd walk away right now. You had no right to fuck with my life like that."
He took a step back like I'd physically punched him. "I'll fix this, mi cielo. I'll find a way to prove to you-"
"Save it. I wish I'd never met you. Just stay away from me. I can't even look at you right now."
I pulled away, began walking home. He started after me. I stopped, glared at him until his feet halted at the force of my will. When I was sure he understood exactly how serious I was, I headed home.
d Gary
After a rough night of tossing and turning, I put in a twelve-hour shift at St. John's. I'd been transferred from the ICU to the ER, a move I liked because my day usually rushed by, allowing no time for my brain to taunt me with its unanswered questions. But today, even though I'd been off of witchy duty the night before, I was dragging, and a cup of tar-thick cafeteria coffee didn't seem to help.
Over my break, I texted Michelle.
Valentine's next Saturday. This isn't a request. You're going with me.
