Page 89 of Pride and Prejudice Resolutions

"Thank you, Sir."

"And Mr Darcy? Tell Henry Fitzwilliam I still want my five guineas. With interest."

Darcy returned to the parlour to find a scene that defied all logic. Robert was not being tortured. He was thriving. He was sitting on the sofa, flanked by Miss Lydia and Miss Kitty, while Mrs Bennet fanned herself nearby.

"And then," Robert was saying, "the horse sat down. Simply sat down in the mud. And I said, 'Well, if you are going to be like that, I shall simply have tea here.'"

Miss Lydia shrieked with laughter. "Oh, Lord Keathley! You are so funny! Is it true you have been to a duel?"

"Two," Robert lied smoothly. "I ran away from both. Running is a very underrated military tactic."

"I like him!" Miss Lydia declared to the room. "He is much more fun than you, Mr Darcy."

"Most people are," Darcy said mildly, entering the room.

"Mr Darcy!" Mrs Bennet clapped her hands. "Did you have a nice chat with Mr Bennet?"

"We had a productive discussion, Madam," Darcy said, avoiding the trap.

He perused the room. Miss Mary was sitting by the window, a book in her lap, looking ignored. Darcy felt a sudden pang of sympathy. He walked over to her.

"Miss Mary," he said.

Mary looked up, startled. "Mr Darcy."

"What are you reading?"

"Fordyce's Sermons," she said defensively.

"Ah." Darcy paused. "I find his views on female vanity to be rather repetitive. Do you not agree?"

She blinked. "I... well, yes. He does harp on it."

"I prefer Blair," Darcy offered. "Or maybe… have you read the essays of Mr Addison? He values wit over sermonising."

"I have not."

"I shall send you a copy," Darcy promised. "I think you might find his perspective refreshing. It suggests that a woman's mind is her greatest asset."

Miss Mary stared at him. Then, slowly, she smiled. It was a genuine smile, one that made her look surprisingly like Elizabeth. "Thank you, Sir. I should like that very much."

Across the room, Miss Kitty was giggling at Robert's cravat.

"It is a waterfall," Robert was explaining solemnly. "It takes three hours to tie. If I sneeze, it explodes."

"You are funning me!" Miss Kitty laughed.

"I am deadly serious. Fashion is an important business, Miss Kitty."

Mrs Bennet was beaming. Her eyes darted from the Viscount to Darcy, her mind clearly calculating the annual income of the room.

"Oh, this is the best Christmas!" she declared. "Even if the girls are away. You must stay for dinner! We have a ham!"

"Alas, Madam," Darcy stepped in. "We must return to London. We have family obligations."

"Oh, but you just got here!" Miss Lydia whined. "Take us with you! I want to go to London!"

"Miss Lydia." Robert stood up. "London is boring. Full of smoke and politicians. You are the queen of Longbourn. Stay here and rule."