Page 93 of The Ghost and the Graveyard (Knight Games 1)
"He's a monster."
Her eyes popped over the top of her menu, and she laughed like I was being ridiculous. "What do you mean, like a murderer?"
I rolled that around in my brain. Rick was not the equivalent of a murderer, but I wasn't sure what to compare him to. "Not a murderer. Someone who lives two lives, like a mob boss. By day, he's a normal businessman. Behind closed doors, he's unscrupulous."
Michelle raised an eyebrow and frowned. "But not like the Sopranos-no killing."
"Well, if there is killing it's only the bad guys. He's got a conscience, but he doesn't live a traditional life."
"Like a pimp, a good pimp. Like he takes really good care of his prostitutes but still he's into something horrible, like prostitution."
"No, that's not it either. It's not just what he does. It's who he is. Like, let's say he has herpes or leprosy." I cringed. The words were out. No getting them back.
"Oh my God. He's contagious?"
I rubbed my forehead. "Yes, let's pretend he's contagious with something that is disfiguring, not deadly."
"But that's not really it."
"No. Stop. You're missing the point. The guy is gorgeous, but he isn't your traditional take-home-to-mom husband material. His life is complicated and would complicate mine. Just leave it at that."
Michelle sighed. "Okay. What about the other guy?"
"The other guy treats you like a queen. He's someone you can talk to all night long and knows you better than almost anyone else. But your feelings are more...comfortable than intense."
She raised an eyebrow. "Comfortable. Hmm. Is he ugly?"
"No, he's very attractive. However, he doesn't have a body. I mean, he doesn't have full use of his body. He's a quadriplegic." Was my nose growing? I was rambling, making it up as I went along.
"Wow." She let that sink in. "So, how independent is he? Is he someone who has his own life without you?"
I had to think about that one too. The leprosy analogy was somewhat of a stretch, but the quadriplegic was a bit too close for comfort. Even though Logan was independent and was in many ways taking care of me, he wasn't able to leave the house. He had Prudence and me-that was it.
"He's very independent but socially isolated due to his condition."
A brunette waitress bopped over to our table and took our drink order. As soon as she turned her back, Michelle set down her menu and leaned across the table.
"So, the dilemma you're facing is whether to choose body or soul. You're wondering whether you should feel guilty for wanting the body of the first man when the second may be the more ethical choice because he deserves your love more."
"Yes, I think that's it."
"Grateful," Michelle started, "how certain are you that each of these men are what they seem? You haven't known them for long. Do you know for sure that bad-boy dangerous is as shallow as you make him out to be? And the deep soul, will he always have the emotional connection to you that he does now? A lot can change once the newness wears off."
This is why I like talking to Michelle. She has a way of simplifying everything, even when it isn't what I want to hear. "I guess you're right. I haven't known either of them long enough to know for sure. But Mr. Dangerous did lie to me."
"About what?"
"Well, he omitted the truth about what he did for a living."
"But you described what he did as monstrous."
"Yeah, so?"
"Can you blame him for omitting the truth? He's probably embarrassed about what he is. Maybe he wishes he could change."
I hated to admit that she might be right. I didn't know Rick, not really. I wasn't sure of his intentions. Maybe my former self had been married to him, had lived a whole life with him, but that wasn't me. That was someone else.
"And the other one, the perfect soul, it's easy to do the right thing when you don't have any other option. If he's isolated, you might grow tired of him. No one can be the center of someone's universe forever. It isn't healthy. I'm sure the disability you could live with, but the dependence? You couldn't take more than a week of it. You'll feel suffocated."
