Page 64 of Razor

I hate how his words wound me, so dismissive of what we have. As if this is just a casual fling and not my personal love story with a man I am crazy about.

For some reason, I’m pissed, and the conversation I shared with Ryder in his office plants a seed in my brain, and I pull my shoulders up and say defiantly. “Well, he’ll have to find a different body to play with soon because I’m out of here shortly.”

Silence greets my statement, and I note how Razor tenses, and his glare could cut his beard way sharper than a razor.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you, honey? I’m heading home in two weeks. Ryder found me a place at beauty college and has arranged an apartment and everything. I’m starting again and it’s all thanks to the Reapers. So, it’s been fun while it lasted but well, I suppose that’s all it was and a girl can’t live on fun forever, you know.”

Before he can respond, I answer a call from one of the other Reapers and I blink my tears away. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Razor push through the crowd, and my heart sinks. I’ve pushed him too far.

To be honest, I feel like a fool now. There is no new beginning, but the more I think of it, the more it makes sense.

Razor will never commit to me. It’s obvious that this is as good as it gets.

I’m surprised when a soft voice calls me over, and I notice Ashton and Bonnie watching the scene play out.

As I head their way, Ashton smiles sympathetically.

“Still no luck in getting that guy of yours to commit?”

“No. To be honest, I just made it worse. I told him I was leaving, courtesy of the Reaper scholarship program.”

“Is that what you want?”

“It wasn’t but the more I think of it, the more sense it makes.”

Bonnie nods, her sympathy welcome.

“Perhaps it’s what you both need. It would be a wake-up call for Razor, and he would have to declare his feelings to get you to stay.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

Ashton is worried, and I shrug. “Then I get to do something I’ve always wanted.”

I smile at her shyly. “Do you think Ryder would agree?”

“Of course he would, but only if you are one hundred percent sure it’s what you want.”

I stare at the door Razor just stormed through and sigh. “It’s probably the only way to end this. Either force him to admit he has feelings for me, or cut my losses and begin a new life as far away from men as possible.”

CHAPTER 33

RAZOR

What the actual fuck. Where did that statement come from? Since when was Sunday considering a new life away from me, away from the compound—the Reapers?

There’s a buzzing in my brain that won’t stop as I blindly stumble to my condo, the only place available to think.

She’s leaving me. She’s made her decision, and is done waiting for me to declare something that will never happen.

I’ve lost her and I only have myself to blame for that.

When I reach my condo, I grasp the whiskey bottle, tearing off the cap and chugging it neat. It doesn’t help.

I fall onto the couch, my head in my hands, and seriously set about losing my shit.

I never cry; I never have, and right now I wish that it was possible to bleed out some of the pain inside me.