Page 43 of Razor

Carla rolls her eyes as I pocket my phone.

“Razor, I’m guessing.”

“You guessed right.”

She blows out a breath.

“When are you gonna make it official with that man?”

A little of the sunshine fades from my day because, to be honest, I was wondering the same thing.

Instead, I force a bright smile on my face and wink. “I’ve got to keep him on his toes.”

I’m convincing no one. Carla has walked this walk a lot longer than me, and she leans against the bar and fixes me with a stern frown.

“You make it easy for him to avoid commitment.”

“Who says I want to commit?”

“For fuck’s sake, Sunday. It’s obvious how mad you are for one another. It’s seriously pissing off the other guys because Razor won’t make it official and you won’t even look at them when he’s around.”

“We don’t need a label.”

I’m aware I’m just convincing myself of that. Of course, I want one. To be Razor’s official girl with none of the uncertaintythat surrounds our relationship. It’s difficult though; he keeps his emotions in check and his history guarded under lock and key in his mind. He is an impenetrable mountain that I doubt I will ever conquer, but I’m happy with what we have, despite the fact there is no official label on it.

Are you sure about that?

That inner voice mocks me, and it’s becoming louder the longer the days pass.

I do want more, of course I do, but it’s not up to me and it probably never will be.

Carla sighs. “I’m worried about you, Sunday.”

“Me?”

I’m surprised, and she nods, chewing her lip as if she has news I won’t like hearing.

“What is it?”

I’m more than afraid right now, and she sighs.

“Listen, I’ve been here a while now, and it’s unusual to meet two people so obviously into one another without some form of progression. There are many women here who would bite your arm off to be where you are now. Exclusive with one Reaper and having his undivided attention.”

“But I thought you all loved playing the field.”

I’m a little shocked by her admission, and she shakes her head. “Think about it, honey. We are all here for a reason. Life threw shit bricks at us and did irreparable damage. Sure, it’s great to be held in strong arms and desired by men like these who are just as lost as we are.”

She makes a valid point because I witness the pain behind Razor’s eyes he attempts to blink away and yet he won’t let me in to help him with that.

Carla continues. “We help them, they help us, and together we kind of pretend the past never happened. The Reapers do what they do, and the ghosts hang on with the rest of theirdemons, and I wonder if some day the load will be too great. Razor appears to be shifting many demons inside him, and yet won’t share the load. I really believe you could help each other out, and if he wasn’t so stubborn, he would realize that.”

I’m done pretending because Carla’s words have hit home, and I sigh heavily.

“How can I get through to him? He keeps the barriers up.”

“Then duck under them if you must, but find a way.”

She shakes her head. “Men like Razor see life in black and white. They like routine. Everything has its place and does not move from that. Perhaps you should challenge that. Not be so available, flirt with another guy, shake the foundations a little to test his commitment to you.”