Page 99 of Razor

“It turns out that Mom wasn’t strong enough and couldn’t live without him, and after a verbal warning from the cops, we were sent home. Life became harder when he recovered. He abused us mentally, realizing physical abuse was no longer an option. I lost all respect for my mom, that hurts the most, and then…”

I break off, pain slicing through the last remaining chain on the box in my mind, and I hiss, “We came home one night and discovered her broken on the kitchen floor. Blood spilling from her mouth, naked from the waist down. She couldn’t move; she floated in and out of consciousness; he was nowhere to be found. We called the ambulance, but she was barely alive, and I cradled her head in my hands and begged her to hold on.”

I am no longer sitting on the edge of the lagoon with Sunday. My mind is back in that kitchen.

“Don’t be like him, Razor. You have it in you, I know you do, so promise me you will never put any woman through what he has done to us.”

“I promise, Mom.”

“I mean it, son. You and Blade are his monsters, and you may not believe me now, but one day you will turn into him.”

“I will never be him.”

Her eyes flicker and her breath gasps long and slow, and Blade cries out, “Mom!”

He is on her other side, the sirens wailing in the distance as we watch our mom give up the fight; at peace at last.

Soft lips pressagainst my face, and Sunday whispers, “You are nothing like him.”

“You think?”

I picture her working the bar, the way my eyes follow every move she makes. The anger that burns when another Reaper smiles in her direction. The pain inside me when she walked away and the rage I held toward the men she met along the way. The college kid, the bastard who took her. She is wrong. I am my father, and it hurts like hell.

“What happened to your father?”

An innocent question, the answer not so much.

“He didn’t come back. He became a wanted man on the run, and after the funeral and the dust settled, we enlisted in the military. A few years later we had word of him. We had been searching for him all those years, and one of our leads paid off. We took leave to find him and, well, you know what happens when a Reaper finds their prey. His death wasn’t pleasant; just say a lifetime of cruelty was inflicted over several agonizing hours it took for him to die.”

I have nothing more to give. My sad life story is told, and now it’s up to Sunday to decide whether I’m worth the risk or not. I am my father; my mother was right. It’s why I grew the biggest fuck-off beard I could, so I didn’t see him in the mirror every day. It’s why I drown my sorrows in one beer at the bar every night, no more than that. Only one. Never stepping off the edge, keeping the knife sharpened in my heart, and why I kill bastards for a living. I love my job. Every fucker I send to their grave has that bastard’s face in my mind, and I kill his memory over and over again as I attempt to be nothing like him.

CHAPTER 52

SUNDAY

Razor has broken my heart. Not because my feelings have changed for him; if anything, they are deeper, but his childhood is one I wouldn’t wish on anyone, let alone the man I love.

He is broken, lost even, and now I understand why he pushed me away.

“Razor.”

My voice is strong and firm in the silence of the lagoon, and as he turns to me, I order him. “Get naked. Now.”

He says nothing and merely shrugs off his jacket as I do the same, making short work of my clothes in my urgent haste to be close to him.

We slip into the cool water of the lagoon as if to cleanse our spirits, and as I reach for him, I cup his face in my hands and say firmly, “I love you, and nothing you just told me changes that. If anything, it makes me love you more because you are not like him. You are strong, courageous and protective for sure, but your heart is pure. You have reshaped his faults and made them your strengths, and how could I not love that about you?”

I kiss him softly, with purpose and devotion and as his hand curls around my head and he deepens the kiss, I breathe a sighof relief. In here, treading the crystal water, our past is washed away and we will face the future together and build a strong foundation on the ashes of our past.

* * *

We remainat the lagoon for the entire night. The light dims, the air chills, and yet we provide our own heat; we always do. I lose count of the times we fuck, his lips on my skin, mine on his. The way he pushes inside me, the emotions that flicker like fireflies through every part of my body and mind.

This is paradise to us; it always will be and when the sun edges over the horizon, it’s fitting that we watch it together, my head on his shoulder, our fingers tangled together as the dawn of our new beginning forces the past away, making way for the future.

ONE WEEK LATER

I don’t knowwhy I’m nervous. Maybe it’s excitement, that’s all it can be, and as we pull up outside the familiar building, my heart burns with love.