Page 45 of Scar Tissue

ex-husband began to point the finger at me, things only got worse. I would wake up day in and day out, feeling utterly alone because not only had my brain turned against me, but so did my other half. It was so hard to be able to be in the same room with other moms or continue to receive emails related to motherhood that eventually, I started to believe that maybe I’d be better off dead. Lucas didn’t want me around and my grief was so heavy that I could tell how uncomfortable it made other people. Besides Dylan and my family, no one could quite figure out how to approach me.

“Long story short, something that Nathan has helped teach me, is you don’t have to make yourself smaller to make yourself fit, or make yourself disappear to be loved. At the end of the day, your self-worth isn’t defined by what you’ve been through, but how you decide to let it shape you. The world has already taken so much from you, and unfortunately it will keep taking, but don’t let it take what matters the most—you.You matter, Claire. You take up space, and I’m glad you do.”

Her brows furrow and she fidgets with her fingers. “I’m not used to people saying those things unless they want something in return…” she mutters.

“You don’t owe me anything, you haven’t.”

She dips her chin. “I haven’t had a room that’s felt like mine in a long time. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get used to living…somewhere not so haunted.”

“And now?”

“Now, I think I’d like to be able to try.” She gives me the closest thing to a smile I’ve received from her personally. I stand up, picking an invisible piece of lint from my shirt as I walk to her door. “Thea?” she says, hesitantly, and I stop just before I reach the hallway, turning around. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sorry you went through that. You would’ve been a good mother.”

And for the first time, it feels like we’ve taken a real step forward. I shut her door behind me and am met by Nathan’s overwhelming presence from where he stands at the other end of the hall, a grim expression on his face.

“What is it?”

“Dyer just contacted me; he’s been keeping a close eye on Harrison. He wanted me to update you that you should be receiving a message shortly about the meet-up.” In retrospect, we probably should’ve ensured that I had a burner phone when I went in, because now they have my actual cell phone contact. When I broached the subject, Nathan said we’d get me a new one as soon as this was said and done. Although it doesn’t do much to ease my peace of mind because a lot of information can be found out about a person through their mobile data, like their real name. And yet, both he and Dyer reassured me that I sold the part well, giving Harrison little reason to look too far into me. They told me he likes to think he’s the smartest person in the room and that if he’s going to figure something out about a person, he’d rather do it face to face.Another unsettling thought.

Just as I’m taking a seat on the couch, my phone vibrates and I open the message from the unknown contact:

The Block, Noir House. Friday midnight.

I have one more day of work this week and then a day and some to prepare for this, and I’ve never felt the further from ready.

Nathan hovers above me from behind the couch. “I’ll let Dyer know so he can make his way here to start making provisions. And I’ll make sure he brings a burner this time.”

“What difference would that make now? They’re going to know something is up if I suddenly switch numbers.” Nausea coils in my gut.

“Hey,” he says softly as he cups the bottom of my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. “It’s going to work out. You’ll keep yournormal phone on you until you get there and then we will have it shut down and wiped. If this goes south or in any direction it’s not supposed to, they’d make you get rid of it anyway, or might use it to try and use something against you. You’ll have the burner as a backup.”

“But where would I keep it?”

He strokes my jawline with his thumb. “We’re going to send you in a light jacket with heavy enough material on the inside so that you can stow it in the lining. Your personal cell phone you’ll keep in your purse—that way they don’t have reason to look further.”

“And if they pat me down?”

When he doesn’t respond, I know that it’s up to me to make sure that I don’t. “I don’t feel very confident anymore, Nathan.”

“You’re one of the most confident people I know. But if you want to back out, say the word and I’ll pull the plug on the operation instantly.”

I breathe in slowly. “I won’t lie and pretend as if it hasn’t crossed my mind, but it’s important. It feels more important than my own feelings clouding my judgement.”

He hooks his fingers to the roof of my mouth and yanks my head further back until he’s right in my face. There isn’t anger in his face, but…adoration and conviction. “Nothing is more important than you, Thea.Nothing.”

When he releases me, he rounds the couch and sits down with me. “How can you say that?”

“Because I love you.”

The air is sucked out of the room with the weight of his words.

“Because I can’t find any scenario, a single part of my existence, or an alternate universe where I can live without you.”

My breath catches…

“Because you’re the axis my entire world spins on.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “And if something happens to me, if they make me disappear like they did Dylan?—”