Page 126 of The Professor's Wife

I kicked around my uneaten food, my face burning as I tried to brave a glance at Oliver. He didn’t seem to be eating, either.

I let out a shaky breath. Tried to speak. To say something to make it all okay, but there was nothing to be said to fix this. No magic set of words to make it okay.

“Daisy.”

His voice made me jump. I shut my eyes, unprepared.

It was happening too fast—

“Daisy, look at me.”

It was the break in his voice. His beautiful voice filled with warmth that made me finally break and look at him.

His solemn eyes met mine, but it wasn’t what he wanted me to see.

It was the outstretched hand on the table, inches from mine. Palm up, unmoving. An invitation to take it.

I broke.

All at once, tears rushed to my eyes as I let out a broken sob and took his hand. He tugged me, and I shakily stepped off the chair and fell into him. He scooped me up and held me as I sobbed. As I told him how sorry I was. How profusely sorry I was.

I was so sorry.

So terribly sorry, and I loved him.

I loved him so much—

“I know you’re sorry,” he said, kissing me on the head as he held me tightly. I began to calm down, hiccupping as the remorse weighed heavily in my chest.

“Daisy, I love you, and I want you forever,” he continued to say. Hot tears continued to fall down my cheeks. “But things need to change.”

I nodded but said nothing. I was so ashamed. I despised myself so much. I didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve his calmness and his love.

“The alcohol,” he started.

“I won’t ever drink again,” I promised quickly. “I won’t, Oliver. I promise.”

“It’s not just the alcohol,” he said, and I could feel his throat bobbing. “It’s that you were truly unhappy. I thought…I thought you’d be happy about wanting a child with me, but the rage you felt, there was some truth in it, surely. Am I suffocating you?”

“Never!”

“I’ve never stopped you from studying. I want you to get into nursing school, but it’s clear to me this desire has taken root inside you. You want it so desperately, I worry you’re lashing out at me from within. That you think I’m holding you back.”

“No, not at all.” I continued to shake my head. “I don’t even care about nursing, Oliver, and I want to have a child with you. I want to take this next step with you, and I think not getting in was a sign. A redirection for me to focus on us, on our family. All of that can wait. I don’t hold anything against you. Let me prove that to you.”

“But you were so angry.”

I tensed, and my lips trembled.

For a moment, I thought of June. Of how I used to lash out when I was a teenager. A loose cannon. Evil like my mother.

I swallowed, blocking the memories out.

“It’s not me. It won’t happen again. I need you to understand that, Oliver, and trust me.”

He listened carefully as I clung to his sweater, my fingers digging into the gray wool. I listened intently to his steady heartbeat while mine was racing. I envied his calmness. Envied his ability to handle his emotions.

“I believe you,” he said. “I trust you. You’re it for me, Daisy. There will never be another one. To me, you are perfect.”