Page 69 of Wild

"I don't recognize you, Erin." The doctor feels her sister's whisper like the hiss of a snake, and her skin prickles. "You're such a—"

"You don't have to understand me," she cuts in. "You just have to treat me like a person instead of a tool you use to get what you want."

She hangs up before she can hear her sister's response, and when she slips the phone into her pocket she brings her hand to her throat—because she'd expected to feel suffocated after this conversation, expected the tears to flood her eyes and the guilt to eat her alive. But air reaches her lungs just fine. All she feels is relief: not just because she's dropped a weight she's been carrying, but because she's finally starting to take the reins of her own life. To say out loud what hurts. To fight for what she needs. To choose the people she wants beside her. And right now she has very little room for Brooke, and a great deal of room for Mia.

Chapter 25

"How long have you been waiting?" Nell asks when she comes down to the lobby and finds Erin sitting on the enormous sofas by the front window.

"Not long," the doctor replies, getting to her feet. "Where are we going?"

"Around." Nell shrugs. "A walk through the city. You need to make the most of it, honey — get to know every place you set foot in, in case you never come back. How many times have you left the hotels since you've been with us for anything other than looking after Mia?"

Erin touches her hair, then makes a face, twisting her lips to one side.

"None."

"Well, that ends today. I'm never going to retire at this rate — it's clear you need my help learning how to actually live," she jokes, and Erin feels a flutter of anxiety in the center of her chest, because she knows it's true, that she's spent her whole life not really living. But that flutter isn't as uncomfortable as it was a few weeks ago, because even though she still has a long way to go, she's at least made the decision to put herself first — and that's a very big step for her.

They cross the lobby and push through the door, and the moment they step onto the sidewalk they run straight into Lexie, who looks like she's in a hurry.

"What are you doing here?" Erin asks when they greet each other.

"I have a meeting with the press coordinator to pick up my credentials for the Washington show, and on my way over I got the message confirming Mia will attend the awards ceremony," she answers, frustrated.

"And that's a bad thing?" Nell asks.

"Not for her," Lexie says with a smile, "but for us on the press side it's complicated — at this point it's going to be hard to get credentials to cover the event from inside."

"I'll talk to Noah and see if he can do something, or to Mia," Erin offers.

"Really?" Lexie looks surprised.

"Yeah, I can try."

"I appreciate that." The journalist gives her arm a squeeze and flashes her a genuine smile, and Erin realizes Lexie has understood — without needing it spelled out — that what happened between them won't happen again, that she's okay with it, and that they'll probably be able to keep things friendly and even grab a drink now and then. "I'll let you go — I'm running out of time."

Lexie disappears into the hotel and Erin falls into step beside Nell, who looks left and right as she decides which way to go.

"Can I ask you something?" Nell puts on her sunglasses and decides they're crossing.

"You're going to anyway."

The woman smiles.

"How did things end between you and Lexie?" She stops abruptly and turns to Erin. "Do you realize every woman on this tour is crazy about you?"

Erin laughs.

"I think 'crazy about me' is a stretch. Lexie just wants the same thing I wanted at the time — to have a good time."

"And if you don't want to have a good time with her, who do you want to have it with?"

Erin steps aside to let two women pass who are taking up the whole sidewalk, then falls back into step beside Nell, who glances at her sideways.

"Have you slept together yet? You and Mia."

The laugh comes out through her nose. If someone had asked her that two months ago she would've been surprised, maybe even uncomfortable — but she's gotten to know Nell pretty well by now, and she knows the woman is direct and doesn't beat around the bush.