Page 63 of Wild
"Then you're not starting now."
The singer pulls the joint to the other side, takes one last hit, and stubs it out against the ground even though it's only half done. Erin watches her, caught between surprise and irritation—and the irritation wins.
"Since when do you get to decide what I can and can't do?" she asks, drawing her legs up and resting her forearms on her knees.
"I don't, but a lot of people get hooked on this stuff, and I'm not going to be the one who gives you your first hit. If you want to smoke, find someone else who'll do it." She pauses. "I'm not that person."
The doctor bites the inside of her cheek and sighs, trying to shake the pointless anger.
"You're right. Thanks," she whispers, and presses her fingers hard against her temples because a headache is starting to build.
"What's going on, Dooley?"
Mia shifts slightly toward her, shoulder leaning against the wall, legs pulled up the same way as Erin's.
"Nothing. Don't worry about it."
"I do worry. But I'm not going to make you tell me if you don't want to."
The surprise crosses Erin's face so openly that Mia's heart does a small, inexplicable flip, and if she asked, Erin would have a hard time explaining that she's not used to anyone worrying about her—and Mia seemed so genuinely sincere that her chest squeezed.
"I have a younger sister. Around your age, more or less."
"Really?" A smile appears on Mia's lips, then disappears just as fast when she catches Erin's faraway expression.
"Yeah. Her name's Brooke. She called a little while ago. She wanted to meet you. She's followed your career since the beginning and she loves your music."
"Tell her to come. I'll have Noah set up a VIP pass for the next show, you can introduce us—no problem."
Erin lets out a breath through her nose and nods, turning a few of her leather bracelets around her wrist.
"Talk to me, Dooley," the singer says softly, watching Erin's blank expression. "Is it a problem for you—her coming?"
The doctor takes a few seconds to answer.
"I think it is."
Mia doesn't say anything. She just waits, patient, while Erin keeps her eyes fixed on her own hands.
"Brooke only calls me when she needs something. Usually money. This time it's you, and next time it'll be something else. I've never said no to her. I've let her take advantage of me my whole life."
"And now you feel bad because you don't want to give her this," Mia murmurs.
Erin finally looks at her, nods, then drops her gaze back to her hands.
"Then don't. I'll help you say no, because I don't want to meet someone who treats you like that. No VIP pass for Brooke Dooley. I'm sorry for her."
Erin laughs—it's a sad smile, but underneath it there's genuine relief.
"Nell says I need to put my foot down, but I don't know how. She's my only family. If I say no, she'll get angry and stop talking to me."
"Sometimes you have to make hard calls, Erin. My mom is alive, but I haven't seen her or heard from her in years—because one day I decided that having her in my life was doing me more harm than good. I chose myself over her. And now my family is Noah. He actually worries about me. He's there when I fall apart and he supports everything I do, same as I do for him. If your sister only brings you anxiety and pain, maybe you should think about giving yourself some distance from her. Not necessarily forever—but maybe if you step back and let her realize what she no longer has, she'll start to value you as a sister and a person, instead of just a source of whatever she needs."
Erin looks at her. She can't name what she's feeling right now, because it's a tangle of too many things at once: sadness for herself, built-up anger at her sister, helplessness over all the years she didn't know how to act—and something that feels a lot like admiration for Mia.
"They say there are two kinds of family: the one you're born into and the one you choose. Sometimes the one you're born into is a mess, and the best thing you can do for yourself is hold on to the one you chose," the singer continues.
Erin keeps her eyes fixed on her.
