Page 54 of Bound By Ink

I rush out into the cold air. It floats around me, sinking into my bones. Tears streak my cheeks, and I shudder as I run across the courtyard to the back gate. After slamming my hand on the button, I dash out of the gate and into the alley and bolt, not looking back, running straight home. I couldn’t leave through the front door in case Derren was waiting for me. I can’t face him after I let Killian under my skin again.

Unable to think straight when I’m around him, even though I want him so much. I’ve always wanted him. And now I’ve had a taste of him, it’s all I can think about. The way his mouth feels on me, the way his skin feels against mine, the way his hands feel on me, the way he smells, and the way he tastes. Alone it’s addictive, but all of it together is so overwhelming. I want him so badly, but I know he’s not a keeper.

He’ll have his fun and toss me aside, and I’ll be one of those sad people who follow him around, hoping for a second glance. I can’t be like them. I can’t let him get to me, to manipulate me. He only wants me as a plaything because he knows I’m supposed to be with Derren. Istorm into the house. Tears silently run down my cheeks. I run straight to my room and throw myself facedown on the bed, gasping in pain as I catch the tattoo. After rolling over and tentatively removing my jeans and underwear, I stand in front of the mirror, and my hand shakes as I remove the covering from my hip and lower abdomen. I don’t want to see the reality, but I also can’t bear not knowing.

I slowly peel the protective layer back and gape at the tattoo. It’s the same design he showed me, the same beautiful scroll design that I was in awe of. But it’s his name—Killian—spread from the side of my dick all the way up to my hip. It’s gorgeous, or at least it would be if it had been what I wanted, what I expected. I feel betrayed. I feel violated, and I feel stupid that I let him get to me. I let him touch me, pleasure me; so desperate in need of contact, I cheated on Derren… again.

What the hell is wrong with me?Disgust rolls over me, and I close my eyes. But my body abandons me at the thought of Killian, the way he makes me feel when he touches me, and the way I give myself over to him. The way he looked up at me. The way he takes me in his mouth. I shudder, shaking myself. My dick swells at the thought of him, my mind racing, trying to contemplate where this could go. How could I have done this to Derren again? And how the hell am I gonna explain having this tattoo permanently on my hip?

When I stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I’m not a cheater. In my mind, it repulses me how someone could do that to another person, let alone someone they claim to love. I’m disappointed in myself. My mind knows it’s wrong, but my body? The way Killian looks at me and makes me feel… I will risk burning my entire relationship with Derren to the ground for just one precious, seductively addictive moment with Killian.

I cover the tattoo over and flop onto the bed. My phone rings, and I stare at it. Derren’s name flashes on the screen, and shaky hands reach over to pick it up. I lift it to my face and click answer.

“Hey.” My voice wavers.

“Hey, you still in there? I’m outside.”

“No,” I snap. Before blowing out a breath. “No,” I answer, calmer. I feel my heart racing, I’m panicking, and I’m starting to sweat. “I… Derren… I couldn’t go through with it.” My voice shakes. I can’t believe the lie falls from my lips so easily. I’m not a liar or a cheater, but here I am, turning into someone I don’t recognise.

“You didn’t do it?” I can hear the shift in his voice, the contempt that seeps in.

“No, Derren, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t.”

“How long were you in there?” I can hear the mistrust in his voice.

“Not long. Just being in there with him, I was uneasy. I couldn’t let him touch me. I left through the back door and came straight home.”

“Oh,” is all he says, and a long silence spreads between us before he says.

“The guys are here. I’m going out. I’ll see you soon.”

“Oh, okay,” I reply. “Derren. I love you.”

“Yeah,” he says coldly, and then hangs up. Does he even want me? At least he’s going out with his friends, which means I won’t get to see him. Long enough for me to figure out how to edit the tattoo or remove it. I knowthat’s not reasonable, and I know it’s impossible given how new it is. I just don’t know how to make this all right.

I curl up on the bed, my mind races with thoughts of Killian and Derren until I can’t quite decipher which one is who I want to be with and which one is not good for me. They blur together as I slip into a deep sleep, exhausted from so many emotions swirling around.

When I wake, it’s late. The sky is dark and moody, accentuating my feelings. I tug off my T-shirt, replacing it with my pyjamas. The fabric feels soft and comforting against my skin, and I head downstairs.

Steven is on his game console, and I step into the living room, standing awkwardly beside him. His gaze flicks to mine and back again as he plays, chatting into his mic.

We’re not really close. Killian was the one who looked after me, who stepped up, and that breaks my heart a little. Because normally, he would be the one I run to. He would be the one to talk things through with, to sort everything out. Always making me feel safe, but now, he’s a part of the problem.

I get the feeling that Killian doesn’t really want me and just doesn’t want me to be with Derren. I feel the minute I choose Killian, he’ll leave me. He will have had what he wanted, me choosing him, and no longer be available.

Steven’s gaze settles on me.

“I’ll be back.” He slowly tugs his headset off and places it and the controller on the coffee table. He eyes me curiously before turning to face me. “Spill.”

I sigh. My hands twist in the bottom of my pyjama top, nerves rolling through me. I don’t know how to start. “I…” I take a big breath, and my eyes meet his; they’re so much like my own. I find myself wondering if he misses me as much as I miss him. “I wanted a tattoo.”

“Okay,” he says cautiously. “Why?”

“It’s complicated.” I look down again, wondering how to say what I need to say.

“I’m listening.” He’s wary. I can see the look on his face.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” I turn to leave, stepping into the hall.