Page 144 of Bound By Blood and Lies

Eventually the room falls quieter between contractions. Fae’s hair sticks to her forehead and exhaustion clings heavily to every part of her body as she grips my hand weakly. Then suddenly her whole face changes.

“I have to push.”

Panic shoots through me so fast I nearly smack the call button off the wall trying to press it.

“She has to push,” I announce the second the midwife walks back into the room.

The midwife smiles far too calmly for my liking whilst the entire room suddenly shifts into motion around us. Another midwife appears beside her almost instantly and equipment starts moving around the bed whilst overlapping voices fill the room. Drawers open. Gloves snap into place. Instructions are given so casually you’d think everybody here wasn’t preparing for the most terrifying moment of my entire fucking life.

“Okay, on the next contraction I want you to push for me, Fae. Can you do that?” Mandy, our midwife, says gently and Fae lets out a shaky whimper.

“Yes,” she nods weakly as her body sinks back against the bed for the few precious seconds of rest between contractions.

By the fifth push, our Spotify playlist suddenly cuts off mid-song.

“PLAY SOME MUSIC!” Fae cries out to the room and I practically launch myself toward the speaker before smashing the shuffle button with zero thought whatsoever.

‘I Say a Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin’immediately fills the room. The sound of it hits me so hard I stumble before making my way quickly back toward the bed. My heart pounds against my ribs as I grip Fae’s hand again and for one impossible moment, it feels so much like Mum is here with us that my throat almost closes over. I can practically see her dancing around the kitchen singing into wooden spoons whilst flour covered the counters and one of us got yelled at for stealing icing before dinner. Another cry tears from Fae and my attention snaps straight back to her. I grip her hand tighter whilst brushing damp strands of hair away from her face.

“Do you hear that?” I whisper against her ear. “Mum’s here with us. She wants you to know you’re doing so well, Tink.”

A sob breaks from her as her head drops back against the pillow. Tears gather in her eyes whilst she looks up at me completely overwhelmed and I gently wipe them away with my thumb.

“I wish she was here,” her bottom lip wobbles.

“Me too,” I swallow around the lump in my throat.

“You’re doing so well, mama,” the midwife says softly. “We can see the head now, just two more pushes.”

Another contraction crashes through Fae hard enough that her entire body tenses beneath it. A raw cry tears from her chest as she arches slightly off the bed, fingers crushing painfully around mine whilst she bears down with everything she has. The sound of her pain slices straight through me and panic floods my body all over again because I have never felt so helpless in my entire life.

“You’ve got this, Tink,” I whisper desperately whilst pressing my forehead against hers. “You’re doing so fucking well.”

A sharp cry suddenly cuts through the room, and my head snaps up so fast my neck cracks.

Holy fucking shit.

He’s tiny.

So fucking tiny.

Dark wet hair is plastered to his head whilst his little face scrunches angrily as another cry leaves him, fists flexing wildly in the air like he’s already got an attitude problem. My entire chest caves in on itself at the sight of him.

“That’s your son,” Mandy smiles warmly.

My son.

Jesus Christ.

The midwife barely has time to clean him before placing him straight onto Fae’s chest and I physically have to bite down hard on my lip because the sight in front of me is almost too much for my brain to process. Blood still stains Fae’s skin, tears cling to her lashes and exhaustion is written across every inch of her body, but she looks down at our son like he hung the stars in the sky.

And suddenly every terrifying thing we’ve ever survived feels worth it just to get here.

Fae glances up at me with tears in her eyes. “He’s here,” she whispers.

I nod because I genuinely don’t trust myself to speak.

The room softens after that. The midwives continue moving around us calmly whilst Mandy helps clean Fae up and checks the baby over, between explaining things neither of us properly absorb because we’re too busy staring at him. His cries slowly quiet against Fae’s chest as I cut the cord with shaking hands. I look back to see Fae crying and I think I might be too. Honestly, I can’t tell anymore.