Page 119 of Bound By Blood and Lies

I wonder if it’s the one Fae had her heart set on.

My phone starts ringing again.

I close the book and set it back down as my hand lingers on it before I move to her jewellery. There are pieces I’ve seen her wear my whole life sliding through my fingers. Rings, bracelets, necklaces… things that wouldn’t usually matter, but they do because they’re hers. They touched her skin when it wasn’t cold and lifeless but instead warm and full of possibility.

My throat tightens as I pick up a photo tucked beside the box. It’s a photo of me, her and Fae at the ball Fae’s father put on after initiation. My fingers trace her face as I see in real time the joy she had when she looked at Fae and me. This is what I want to remember. Life, goddamn it. Love. My phone rings again and instead of answering it, I take another swig of my drink.

The whiskey burns worse now, sitting thick in my throat as I drop down onto their mattress. It dips under my weight and my arms come up behind my head as I stare at the ceiling. The worst thing about this is I have so many questions that will never be answered. From my dad, from my mum, from this whole fucked-up Company. I once dreamed of giving my child a life that I had, but now the thought sits heavy in my stomach as fear overtakes me yet again.

Can I really keep them safe? Can I really be the father I’m meant to be or will I be chased by my dad’s ghost? My fingers drop into my pocket as I pull out my phone. Ignoring all the notifications, I scroll to the one thing I was looking for. My thumb hovers over the button before I press play.

My eyes close.

“Hey Roman, oh god, I’ve just found the cutest little outfit for your baby. I know you said not to buy any more but I can’t help it. How were you this small? Anyway, give Fae a kiss for me. I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

The room goes quiet as her voice disappears. I don’t move. Instead, I open my eyes and press play again.

“Hey Roman, oh god, I’ve just found the cutest little outfit for your baby…”

Again.

And again.

And again.

Each time it hits harder, the words digging in deeper until my chest starts to cave in around it, and my breathing turns uneven as I bring the phone closer, like I can hold onto her voice if I just keep it playing.

“I’ll be home soon.”

My throat closes.

“I love you.”

A broken sound tears out of me before I can stop it, my face twisting as the pressure finally snaps and tears spill hard and fast down my face. I curl onto my side, pulling my knees in the same way I used to when I was a kid and she’d come sit beside me until I calmed down.

“She’s not coming back,” I choke as I grip the phone tighter and press it against my chest like it might bring her closer.

I press play.

“Hey Roman, oh god, I’ve just found the cutest little outfit for your baby. I know you said not to buy any more but I can’t help it. How were you this small? Anyway, give Fae a kiss for me. I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

Another sob rips through me, harsher this time. My body shakes as everything I’ve been holding in finally gives way. It’s ugly and uncontrollable and my dad would castrate me if he saw me. But he won’t. Because he’s not coming back.

And neither is she.

I bury my face into her pillow and let the pain take me under.

This time, there is no one here to pull me out of it.

CHAPTER 34

FAE

Ipull up beside Roman’s car. My fingers hover over the wheel, gripping it harder than I need to as I look up at the house. I’m not convinced I’m the person he wants to see right now but I’ve been outvoted. It’s not that I don’t want to see him but I have no idea how he will react. Am I Fae, his fiancée, or am I Fae, his mum’s murderer? Riggs swore this was the right call, that if anyone could reach him it would be me, but the doubt presses in regardless.

There’s no rule book for this.

No clean line between giving someone space and letting them drown in it.