Page 115 of Bound By Blood and Lies

“I don’t need to tell you my whereabouts.” She shrugs in a small, dismissive gesture as her gaze slides past me.

I hesitate before taking more steps into the lounge and lowering myself onto the couch. My stomach tightens as I watch her. I try to catch her eye, but she shifts again before I can.

“I just meant—” I stop myself, exhaling softly as I try to reset whatever this is. “You’re supposed to be at the flat, Robyn. I didn’t know you were coming here.”

“What, like how we didn’t know you were going to the church?” She scoffs and my heart slams against my ribs.

I drop my head as my heart breaks a little more.

She blames me.

They all do, I’m sure. She’s just the only one with the guts to say it to my face. My lips wobble as I try to swallow my tears, but one escapes and I quickly wipe it away. Footsteps sound in the hallway and I straighten my spine and force my expression into something steadier than it feels. I turn just as Roman steps into the doorway. His eyes scan over my body like usual before flicking over to Robyn, then back to me. I give him a small smile that falters almost immediately under the weight of his expression.

The circles under his eyes have darkened into bruised shadows that sink deeper into his skin, but it’s not just that. The rich caramel tone that usually seems to glow has gone ashen. There’s something missing from him. He looks exhausted in a way that goes beyond anything physical. He is worn down from the inside out with nothing but this hollow version of him standing in front of me. I look between Robyn and Roman and that sinking realisation that I don’t belong in this room anymore settles in my chest. The way Robyn looks at me is sharp and distant. The way Roman doesn’t even really look at me at all… it all leads back to the same place.

Me.

It’s my fault Fiona went to the church, it’s my fault we didn’t have a contingency plan and it’s my fault she’s dead. I push myself up from the couch, smoothing my hands down my thighs as I move to leave.

“Where are you going?” Roman asks, stepping to the side to block my exit.

“Erm… to make drinks for everyone?” I try to move past him as I flash another fake smile.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Robyn mutters behind me. “Back to playing house again.”

My steps falter and a sharp gasp tears from my chest before I can stop it.

“Robyn,” Roman says in a low, careful tone.

I bite down hard on my lip and turn, forcing my feet to move. I need to get out of here before this explosion building inside me spills over and drowns everyone else with it.

I did this to myself.

I barely make it two steps before a solid weight presses into my back, stopping me completely. Roman’s hand catches my hip as he bends down and his mouth brushes against the side of my neck. The contact is warm and grounding in a way that makes my chest ache even more, and I drop my head as my eyes squeeze shut and his breath ghosts over my skin.

“You don’t need to leave, Tink,” he murmurs, so quietly it feels like it’s just for me.

“It’s for the best,” I whisper back as my throat tightens around the words.

He stills behind me as a long sigh leaves him. I grit my teeth at how frustrated he sounds. How much more can one man take? It’s as if he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and doesn’t have the energy to hold it up anymore. Not that I blame him. We’re all breaking and she was his mum.

Fuck this.

I need to control my emotions. I need to be there for him like he is for me. I turn around before gently tapping his pecs.

“The baby wants orange juice,” I say, forcing something soft into my voice.

Roman’s brow lifts slightly at the obvious lie, but he doesn’t call me out on it. He just looks at me for a second before bending down, pressing a slow kiss to my stomach. A real smile pulls at my lips. The room fades into the background and all that’s left is him and the warmth of his mouth against my stomach. Just Roman, the baby and me in a space where no pain can reach us.

“How can you touch her?” Robyn spits.

My head snaps up as Roman’s body goes rigid before he stands and spins towards her. There’s no softness in her gaze, just pure, burning anger. My heart feels like it’s already in pieces, but somehow it manages to fracture further under the look on her face. For months I tried to save her. For months everything I did, everything I was, revolved around keeping her safe, pulling her out of something that was destroying her piece by piece… Now I’m the thing she looks at like it needs to be destroyed.

It burns like hellfire.

“She’s my fiancée,” Roman snaps. “Watch your mouth.” He points at her, stepping slightly in front of me without fully blocking me from view.

“No,” she fires back, her voice rising and cracking as she shakes her head. “No, I mean it. How can you stand there and even look at, let alone touch, her?”