Page 160 of The Sound of Him

I’m so - it’s not even tired anymore, not even exhausted. It’s something else. I don’t think there’s even a word for it.

Strung out, is what it feels like.

I rub the heels of my hands against my eyes.Is it daytime? Nighttime?

The others are awake. They’re sitting with me. So daytime. Must be.

I ate, right?

No, wait, still eating. I’m eating right now. Burgers. Mac ‘n cheese.

The rescue is happening… soon.

Soon, right?

Yeah.

Soon.

Then I can sleep.

I’ll still have nightmares, but I have to suck it up. I can’t keep doing this. I know that.

I know that.

I do.

Just once. Just a reset. A good sleep, like the one I got after I met with Keaton. Then I can push again, put it off.

Goddamn, my eyelids are so heavy.

My head is fucking killing me.

I think I might throw up.

“Woah, Ace. You fallin’ asleep on us, man?” someone asks.

I look to the left first before realizing the sound came from my right. It makes me a little dizzy, but the world rights itself quickly.

Jake.

It’s Jake sitting next to me.

I’m like 87% sure he’s the one who spoke. I just can’t exactly remember what he’d said.

“Huh?”

“You’re beat. You sure you’re gonna be okay for this? We’re less than 3 hours out.”

I should have saved my last pill, I realize.

What if I mess this mission up? What if I’m not good enough and Elliot gets hurt because of it?

“I’ll be fine,” I remember to say. “I just need-” I press my knuckle into the corner of my eye. “I need to - uh. Fuck.”

I don’t remember what I need to do.

It can’t be that important if I don’t remember, right?