Page 155 of The Sound of Him

I think about how the world was so bright, so fucking beautiful, when Keaton pulled me out of that closet. I had lost hope in there. I had thought my entire life was going to be the darkness.

Maybe there’s hope here too.

Maybe things aren’t as dark as they feel in this moment.

Maybe I still have some light in the dark after all.

Then I realize something’s wrong, his shoulders are heaving, his bunny is on the floor, and I go to him.

I want to make his world bright too.

Chapter Thirty-one

Matt

I had heard the alarm.

I hadn’t been headed to Ace’s office, but I turned in that direction when I heard it. I had watched him rush out of his office and head straight toward the stairs. I couldn’t yell after him. I didn’t want to chase.

I followed the alarm to his computer.

And I watched as - as Jake - as he dragged Casey out of the pool.

Something had happened.

What had happened?

“Matt?”

My heart jolts in my chest, but my body is frozen, the air in my lungs nothing but icy shards.

It’s Ace. It’s Ace and he’s safe and I’m okay if he’s here, but my body doesn’t care.

“I don’t know what you saw, but Casey is okay. He’s alive. Jake said he breathed. He’s breathing.He’s going to be alright.”

The words are meant to soothe, but - but - but there were brown shoes and chocolate on my chin and I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’tbreathe-only, only, only 45 seconds- and - and Jake - Jake didn’t - he didn’t - but I did - I breathed - I -

He’s alive.

He breathed.

He’s breathing.

He’s going to be alright.

I want to tell Ace that I breathed too. I’mstillbreathing. I want to tell him that it doesn’t matter. I’m not alive. I’m not alright. Breathing didn’t save me.

Except there’s no air in my lungs to tell him, and even if there was, my voice is gone. All I can do is stare at him and gasp for air in a room full of it.

Will Casey be like me now? Will we haunt this place together? Or did Jake get to him in time?

Jake saved him.

Jake is a hero. That’s what he does. He saves people.

But Jake didn’t save me.

There’s that blank spot, a stretch of terrifying black space in my mind, the time between my last remembered breath and waking up gasping, but I know in my gut that Jake didn’t save me. He had just stood there, staring at me as I died. It wasn’t Jake I woke up to. It was Bryce.