Page 30 of Until Death or Defeat

Just fucking say you’re sorry. Why can’t men do that?

“I don’t tell you enough how proud I am to have you as my daughter, and I want you to know I’d never have planned this with someone I thought would treat you badly.”

I can feel my resolve breaking, and I clench my teeth tightly to avoid any tears from forming.

“I’ve noticed you two disappearing over the years. I don’t know what you were doing, I never asked, but I knew. I see you, always.”

I don’t know why him telling me he sees me makes me crumble, but it hurts. I’ve never felt seen by him in my life.

“I’d never auction my daughter off to someone who would be bad for her. Sometimes you have to let other people do what’s right for you.”

I only shake my head, still unable to speak in fear of crying. “One day, we can talk about everything. About your mother.” My eyes dart to his.

I’ve tried so hard not to think about her too much today. It’s too painful to remember she won’t see this for me. Even if it’s an unwanted marriage, I needed her here.

“I love you, and I know you’ll be safe with them. That’s the most important thing to me.”

I take in a deep breath, trying to nod. I don’t know how I feel about what he’s saying, and I don’t have time to dissect it right now.

“Let’s go,” he says softly, going to interlock our arms and giving me a smile.

For a moment, I see my father twelve years ago, how he was before Mom died, and I smile back. I breathe again as he leads me out of the room to walk me down the aisle.

8

Artem

My patience is wearing thin as I stand at the altar. This entire thing is quite the theatrical show, but I expected it to be.

The weather was uncharacteristically nice for this season in New York, so this ridiculously large event is being held outside. I’m thankful it’s been switched, because at least out here the crowd won’t be able to hear us during the vows.

She begged not to have a microphone on the stage to her aunt and the planner, pretending that she wanted to have our vows be intimate. Of course, the priest has one attached to his collar, but at least we won’t be stage monkeys for anyone.

I was happy that my mother decided to fly in with my father to not miss the wedding. I haven’t seen her in a year or so, since the last time I flew to Russia to visit her. She moved away when I was still sixteen, and she hasn’t met Giselle.

She’s so excited, thinking that she and I will have a happy marriage or that Giselle will be like a daughter she never had. I didn’t feel like breaking her heart, so I was forced to continue the lie my father told her that Giselle and I were in love.

My mom is smiling wide, and I haven’t seen her like that in a long time. Of course, our families are sitting in the two front rows, but luckily they’re far enough away that they may not see how much Giselle and I detest each other at the moment.

I know she’s angry I crashed her night, but she was being fucking careless.

Does no one watch over this woman?

I don’t see how her father or brother don’t keep eyes on her at all times. I don’t have time to keep her on a leash while I have the new duties of beingpakhan, but I know she will make it as difficult for me as possible.

I look up as the music finally begins, and I see her down the way with her arms interlocked with her father’s. I can’t help the sharp inhale I take, seeing her in that dress. I’ve never seen anything close to this before; she has somehow found a way after nine years of fucking torture and mischief to find a new way to break me inside.

She’s walking towardsmein that dress.

This was all forme.

And I can’t even let myself really have it.

As she finally approaches, her face looks a bit solemn. She seems happy to release her father and stand by me, which I can only assume must mean her father must’ve fucked up worse than I have.

He reaches his hand out to me, and pulls me in. It’s for show of course, to prove there is no longer bad blood to everyone here.

“Take care of my daughter,” he whispers, so that only I can hear, as he pulls back. I nod once, and our hands release the firm grip we held.