Page 27 of Until Death or Defeat

“I’m going to the bathroom!” I yell out, and they all nod.

I push past the crowd, making my way eventually to the women’s room. Sitting on the toilet, the room starts to spin, and I feel like I’m on top of the world. After I get out and wash my hands, I lean onto the counter and look at myself in the mirror and try not to laugh. I feel fucking amazing.

We’ll ignore that I may or may not be sloppy drunk and stumbling, because it’s the night before my wedding and I deserve to go crazy, right?

I grab the gloss from my clutch and reapply, but now I just feel kind of guilty. I have to see Caesar tomorrow and even though we kind of talked it out, I think I was still mean to him. I know it’s hard for him, since he’s so expressive and full of love to give, but I’m just the opposite.

As a kid, sure, I told my family I loved them all the time. In high school after my mother passed, everything changed so much.

I don’t know if it was my own trauma from losing her or just the strain that slowly formed within my family; but at some point, I just stopped telling people how I felt.

I haven’t told anyone I loved them since I was fifteen, not even Reina. Not to their faces, anyway. I think it and Idofeel it, I just can’t bring myself to say it.

But I think it’s selfish of me not to say it back, especially when Caesar tells me every time he sees me that he loves me.

I pull out my phone, deciding I need to text him immediately and tell him.

Heeyyyy, I know it late but, I, jst wanted t tell you I love you. Nd I’m sory for being a bitch alk the time.

Meh, legible enough.

He’ll get the point.

I clumsily start to walk toward the bathroom door when my phone rings.

“Yeeees?” I say happily into the phone.

“Are you drunk?”

“Duh!” I can hear his sigh through the phone and I laugh.

“Where the fuck are you?”

“Where am I? ...I’m having fun!” I say, still laughing, walking out of the door. I’m sure he can hear the music and voices even louder now.

“That makes sense then, besides the fucking barely understandable text you sent, I was sure you must be drunk to tell me you loved me.”

My laughter ceases quickly. I can feel myself falling from the cloud I was floating on. “What?” I say anxiously, pulling the phone from my ear to check my texts.

Fuck! I did send it to him! “That wasn’t for you!”

“And who the fuck was it for exactly?”

Is he jealous? No, there’s no way. He just hates thinking someone is taking what he thinks is his.

“None of your business.”

“Giselle, I will come drag you out of whatever fucking club you’re at by your hair and I do not give a fuck who sees.”

I have no idea why I laugh at his threat, but I love when Artem is worked up.

“No need, I have someone else to pull my hair tonight, byeeeee,” and I hang up, and turn off my phone.

Ha. Fuck you, Artem.

I find the girls again, and I jump right back into enjoying the music with them. I won’t let Artem ruin my night, I don’t care how mad he is tomorrow. He’ll just have to grin and bear it all day and night until he can finally give me shit for it when we’re alone.

Fuck.