Page 66 of Psychotic Nightmares

“I think you heard me.” Julian chuckles. “Why choose? I mean, we all love each other. Granted I love him more like a brother than in a romantic sense.”

But, maybe it could? It would be great not having to choose between them.

“Thank you for clarifying that.” Dante exhales.

After chuckling, Julian continues. “I think it could work. You can be with me when you’re feeling murderous and with Dante when you’re calm.”

“Julian.” I take one of his hands from my face and stroke his knuckles with my thumb, doing the same with Dante. “No.” I shake my head. “After killing ma, which by the way I’ll be taking Bull with me to do. I won’t be needing to kill anymore.” I look across to Dante, who has yet to put his two cents in. “What’s your thoughts?”

“I dunno.” He moves his head side to side slowly. “Julian, you can get insane when your jealousy kicks in, look at the first day we brought Grace back here.”

I let my back hit the cupboards again. He has a point, and yet I’m grateful he didn’t agree, not yet anyway. I could easily drag them both to the bedroom and have my way with them. However, disappointment flashes across my emotions.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Okay, so new years it is then.” Julian pouts. Probably feeling just as dejected as me.

“Yeah,” I lean forward again, tugging at their hands so they join me in the middle of our little triangle. “But promise me, you won't let my decision affect your friendship.” If choosing one of them results in their friendship ending I will walk away. I will walk away from them both.

“I promise.” They say in unison. No deception sparks in either of their faces. I’m glad they won’t break their friendshipforsomeone like me.

Julian

Why do we have to wait? Why can’t she just make her decision now. I slide my hand from hers and pull my knees up to my chest, trying to stay relaxed. I picture her in her mask, covered in her foster dads blood splatter - God that sight will forever stay with me. I was so glad I was wearing my mask the whole time she was fucking him up, because I know all my smiling would’ve probably creeped her out, that’s if my hard cock uncomfortably pressing against my jeans already didn’t. Luckily I don’t think she noticed, too busy on her torture spree with Pa. Dante did though, he notices everything.

Fuck, if only I stayed calm and didn’t fuck everything up with Howard she would have picked me.

Hell, I would’ve gladly accepted her choosing us both, if it means I only get to have half of her that's better than none of her. But I don’t deserveallof her. I can’t bring her down with me. No, she can’t choose me. She justcan’t. I will infect her with my fucked up life and bring her down even more.

I vow to keep her happy, whether she’s mine or not.

She will never feel alone or unloved again.

I’ll make sure of it.

“Julian?” She calls, bringing me from my daydream of hearing her laugh for the first time. I had, very clumsily, fallen over my own feet while trying to sneak out one morning. I didn’t realise she was behind me, and the little tired giggle thatcame from her made my heart skip a beat - literally, and that, ladies and gentlemen, was when I realised that for the first time in my life - I felt the feeling of love. Not the kind a kid has for a parent or the puppy love you feel as a teenager - no - it was the pure, heart - wrenching, butterflies in my stomach, nauseating, speechless kind of love.

“Huh?” I see her legs first, and bring my gaze up until I look deep into her eyes.

“Here.” She hands me a steaming cup of tea. I look around and see that Dante is no longer anywhere to be seen. “He went to update Bull on what happened, and then said he will get some things ready for me to take to Ma’s.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” I trust Bull with my life, butIwant to keep an eye on her.

“I’m sure.” She smiles. “Thank you for the offer though.” I thread my fingers through hers. Wanting as much contact as I can before she leaves us for months. At least I can keep watch through the cameras. I will have to take the one out of the bathroom though. I only put the camera in there at first because I was worried about her harming herself again, so I wouldn't check it unless she was in there for over an hour or so. I kept it off the rest of the time. But then she started turning it on her end and allowing me to watch her bathe or shower. Andfuck me,all I wanted to do was race round and take her. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t break her trust like that.

Because she trusted me.

Trusted -past tense. Because of my fucked up thought process she no longer trusts me.

But she still loves me.

Loves -present tense.

My treasure stilllovesme. And that’s all I can ask for. I can work on earning her trust again over time. Yet…

“Choose Dante.” I whisper.

“What?” she huffs out a laugh of disapproval. I need to tell her my reasoning. I need to make her understand why he is better for her than I am.