Page 25 of Psychotic Nightmares

My aching legs start to weaken the longer I walk. I start to walk to the right towards some trees I can see the shadows of, needing a bit of a break. I would carry on, push through the pain. But I’m going to pass out any minute. Plus I need somewhere to hide until morning.

Reaching the trees, I collapse against one. The sharp bark scratches through the thin shirt and I feel my skin break, the pain is welcome. I got someone killed. I don’t deserve to be pain free ever again. I deserve to feel pain for the rest of my very short life. I have another stash of pills in case of an emergency under my mattress - somewhere where Julian would have never looked. Today has been one complete fuck up. My whole life has been one complete fuck up. I can’t wait for it to be over, all over. People would be much happier once I’m dead. Ma, Pa, all my uncles. Dante. All my co-workers. A lot of fucking people. I close my eyes and tiredness hits quickly. I guess my body needs a break, but my mind is racing. Unfortunately my body wins the fight and I find myself slowly drifting off to sleep.

“Natalie!” I hear Bull's deep voiceyelling my name. I stir and look around, multiple flashlights are roaming around the field. It’s still dark which means it’s not morning yet. “Come on darlin’, tell us you’re safe.” I rub the sleep from my eyes and look around again, nope I definitelywasn’t dreaming. All four of them are out looking for me..

“Where are you?” Peacock calls out next. “Make some noise or something to let us know you're still alive.”

“Natalie, answer us.”Julian.“Come on, baby. I know I fucked up. I just want to know you’re okay.”

“We are worried about you, Nat. Let us know where you are.”Dante calls next. I guess they didn’t kill each other then. I exhale. Good, at least they can eventually work things out without violence - maybe. “Please.” He pleads.

“Come on, treasure. Let us know where you are.”

I stay quiet. I can’t go back with them. If I can wait out here until morning then I can have some light to find my way home. And then do what I need to do. I have no need to interact with any of them. I’ve already ruined everything. I don’t need friends, not when I plan to die soon, I’d rather have no-one at my funeral. No-one is better than fake friends. Fake people who lie straight to my face and murder others.

Stay still.

Be quiet.

Be a good girl.

I close my eyes and repeat the mantra in my head.

Stay still.

Be quiet.

Be a good girl.

“Please.” Julian croaks, it sounds like he’s closer now. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He can shove his sorry up hisass. I really don’t give a shit about his feelings right now, not after what he did.

“I warned you about your damn temper. I swear if something happens to her.” Pea doesn’t need to finish her threat. She told me earlier when we were alone in the medical room after Bull left that if any of the other three dare hurt me in any type of way, she will use them as target practice - I’m sure she has a mind glossary of how many ways you can say you’re going to shoot someone. The flashlights start going separate ways, every one of them shouting for me. My eyelids go heavy again. God, I can’t wait to get home to my bed. And not for sleep. I don’t know how much time passes, it could be a few seconds to a few minutes of them shouting my name, Julian apologises again and again. My heart breaks, all I want to do is be furious with him, I want to hate him after tonight. Yet my heart and body just wants to hold him close, to tell him everything will be okay. It won’t though, nothing will ever be the same again.

Never again.

The happiness I felt just a few days ago feels like a fever dream. Someone must really hate me to take my blissful life away.

Why does life like to keep fucking me over?

The sounds of the leaves crunching close by has me holding my breath.

“Natalie.” Bull sounds really close now. I shuffle around so I’m hidden between two trees. “Natalie honey don’t hide.” He whispers. “Please, not from me. The other two idiots I get though. They deserve to have the silent treatment from you for life.” I can’t control myself and make a noise between a laugh and a cry. Oh the irony. They’ll definitely be getting the silent treatment from me.

“There you are.” Pea breathes from behind him, of course they stucktogether. The others are still shouting away. Both going opposite directions, one comes closer our way, I curl up into a ball, making myself even smaller so they can't see me behind the tree. “What are you doing all the way out here?” She sits beside me. “We were worried about you.”

“I couldn’t stay.” I shake my head. “I just couldn’t. Not after that.” I look at their torches on the floor and beg them to turn them off, which they do. I relax a little more now the darkness surrounds us.

“I know, it’s scary when they fight. They do it often, but it always gets sorted.” She tucks my hair behind my ear. Bull removes his jacket and places it over my shivering body like a blanket. It’s warm and smells like a mix of ash and blood. It brings back memories of the night of the accident. The night my life changed forever.

“So they always threaten each other with weapons and throw knives?” I shiver at the memory of how close the knife came to my ear. I dread to think what would have happened if Dante never stepped to the side. “And try to force others to take a life?”

Pea blinks rapidly. “What?”

“We weren't told any of that, darlin’. We were told by Julian that Dante killed Howard, they argued and you ran.” Of course he would make himself look like the good guy, that's what a narcissist does. Just like Pa. How was I so blind to all of Julian's bad habits before now?

“He missed some bits out.” I tell them everything, from Julian trying to make me slice Howard's throat, to Dante coming to my rescue.

“That ASSHOLE!” Pea jumps up with ease, picks up her flashlight that I see is glittery pink and starts running toward where another light shines. “Julian I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”