Page 13 of Psychotic Nightmares

Yeah I can feel you judging me. But you don’t know everything I’ve been through. Not yet anyway.

“Is that what you really want?” Julian questions, the tone of his voice quiet and defeated. “Because just last night while I held you, you said you wanted to get to know the real me. We just had our first kiss. And now you don’t ever want to see me again? So what one is it Natalie?” He stands and picks up his gloves from the floor. “I’ll leave for now. But remember your promise. If he tries to touch you or sends everyone else away, call me.” I look back down at the floor while I listen to him put on his shoes and jacket, then a pen scribbling against paper, and finally the front door opens and closes. A few minutes pass in agonising silence.

Why did I do that? Why did I just push away the only person who has ever cared about me?

Fuck.

Three hours pass and I’m sitting on my couch, the note still unopened in my hand.Why can’t I open it?

I should open it right?

I stare at it some more, willing the damn thing to give me some kind of hint on what he has written inside. He didn’t take long to write it, so it’s definitely not one of his stories. I sigh deeply. Why did I snap at himlike that? He’s been telling me a lot about himself. But nothing recent, all of his stories have been from when he was a child or teenager. From his mom teaching him how to cook, to his father sending him to a boarding school in England from the age of eleven until he left at eighteen. I guessed he was part British from his accent, which he then told me his mother was originally from London. That she met his father when she came over on vacation during her summer break in university.

Those things are great to know, but what about his full name, how old he is, what he does for work? The general information most people tell others when they first meet.

Flipping the paper around in my hand a few more times, I unfold it.

I’m sorry. Text me to let me know your decision.

I throw the note back on the table. I can’t think about what to do with Julian right now. Not when I have to concentrate on surviving work today. I tap the pepper spray in my pocket. I should have used it last night but he was too fast, pinning me before I got the chance to. I’ll be ready this time. I have to be.

Picking up my bag, I start the twenty minute walk to the bank.

“Looking extra freaky today, Quasi.” Katherine laughs as soon as I enter the building. She is already set up at her desk, her platinum blonde hair in a perfect ballerina bun atop of her head. Her heavy makeup covers up all her blemishes and makes her look a little plastic. Not that I think that of everyone who wears makeup, just Katherine who cakes it on while trying to impress our boss. She always flirts and shoves her silicone cleavage in his face whenever he comes out of his office. “Must be your red eyes that go with your red scar. Has poor baby Natalie been crying?”

I ignoreher like always and set up my desk. I can’t let her words get to me today, not today. I have to keep my mind strong if I have to deal with Howard again later. Which also means I can’t think about Julian. I made a mistake kicking him out like I did. He did nothing wrong but call me his. I want to be his, and haveso for years. He just said it the wrong way.

The workday goes by quickly, and soon it is time to close. My phone has been vibrating like crazy in my bag most of the day. I’m not 100% sure on who it is but I have a feeling. I haven’t told him my decision yet. I mean, what can I tell him?I want him in my life, but in a different way than he wants to be. It’s not fair on either of us. Not when we both want something completely different. I want a relationship, he wants a possession. I have to put a stop to whatever fucked up situation we are in.

My phone vibrates again, this time it lasts longer, letting me know it’s a phone call rather than a text. Pulling my phone from my bag, Julian's nickname flashes on the screen.

“Miss Baker.” Howard calls through the intercom. “Come here please.” I look around the office. Katherine is just leaving, the smirk she gives me sends chills down my spine. “Now Miss Baker.” I stare down at the phone in my hand, it’s no longer ringing.

“I think the boss wants you, freak.” Xanderlaughs. He is young and his dark hair flops down over his eyes after he shakes out the gel holding it back making him look even younger. His tie now hangs loose from his neck, his top button open. If Howardwereto catch him like this before closing then he would have gotten into a lot of trouble, but since we are closed as of five minutes ago, he has relaxed a little. “Now be a good little girl and obey.” He continues typing up his emails that he has due. Xander always leaves them to the last minute, he sucks up to Howard, same as Katherine. Always obeying, always brown nosing up to our boss. That’s probably why they get the nice side of him. However, Howard has had a problem with me since I’ve returned to work after my accident. He used to be nice, but now I don’t look flawless, I don’t fit intohis world. My phone buzzes with another text. He said to message if Howard sentallthe employees home, and although he can be a bit of a dick sometimes, I’m sure Xander will help if I scream.

“MISS BAKER!” Howardsvoice echoes around the almost empty room.

“Coming.” I call back and make my way to the back of the building. I knock on the partly open door and wait for him to tell me to enter. I immediately regret my decision to open the door. Howard stands there butt naked, his hardened cock in one hand, a gun in the other.What should I do?He leans against the desk, groaning under his breath. I lift my foot to take a step back getting ready to run, maybe if I’m fast enough I can make it out the building before he can get dressed.

“Don’t even think about running, or screaming. Come. Here.” He growls and points the gun at me. I can’t run now, if I try he will just shoot me.Shit, I should have brought my phone back here with me. I should’ve answered it and kept Julian on theline so he can bring the police here.I shuffle towards him, pulling the pepper spray out from my pocket slowly.

“I don’t think so,” he laughs sadistically. “Give me the spray.” He lets go of his dick and holds his hand out to me. My own hand trembles as I put the spray into his open palm. “Good girl, now get on your knees.” He walks behind me, closes the door, leans on it then points to the floor. “Prove to me your Pa was right about you.”He smirks.So much for flight or fight, what hits me is fear, pure agonising terror as feelings from my childhood emerge.

Stay still.

Be quiet.

Be a good girl.

“What?” I breathe. Why is he talking about Pa? I haven’t seen him since I left home eight years ago. Never even kept contact with him, why should I after what he did? After what they both did. I wished I could have taken the younger ones out with me. But there were no more girls by then. They either got sent away to live with the uncles and brought back whenever the social workers came around or ran away. The only ones left were Ma’s precious boys.

“Why do you think I’ve kept you around all this time? Certainly not just for your work ethics. But yourgood ol’ Pa,” he mocks my Southern accent, “He toldme how good you are with your mouth. He taught you young right, so you’ve had a lot of practice over the years.” He smirks. “I’ve been biding my time, waiting until I know you have nowhere and no-one to turn to. And now I can moldyou into my submissive little pet.” His hand, sticky with his pre-cum glides over my cheek, “Now show me how good you are.” He grabs my hair and shoves me to the floor. He tries to shove his dick into my mouth, I keep it shut tight, just the thought of sucking anyone's cock makes me feel sick. I never did it with any of my ex’s. Not after being forced time and time again to swallow the cum of my pa and uncles. “Stop being a brat and suck my cock already.” A sharp pain shoots through my head as he hits me with the butt of the gun. Once. Twice. Three times.

I can smell the iron of my blood as it starts trickling down my face. He lets go of my hair and I drop to the floor, my whole body trembles as I try to keep myself up with shaky hands. He laughs in a cruel way as his foot comes down on my back repeatedly. I lose my balance and fall to the side. More kicks rain down all over mybody as he screams about what a pathetic whore I am. Using his hands, he rolls me onto my back and slams the top of his foot in between my legs. Again and again. “Why won’t you fuck me like you fucked the others huh?” I’m too frozen to move, unsure of whether it’s shock or pain keeping me from fighting back. “You sucked them raw, had their cum for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So why not me. I can give you the world. All you have to do is be a good girl and open your mouth.”

He stops his relentless kicks and bends, taking my hair back into his hands. “Oh, I see. Maybe you need a little incentive. Pa did tell me how you like being fucked from behind.” He uses my hair to pull me up and shoves me against his desk. The pain in my chest is excruciating as I can physically feel some of my ribs crack. He starts pulling down my pants and underwear, I’m too weak to fight him off if he’s going to rape me again. What I don’t expect is the cold barrel of the gun to be thrusted into my ass. The pain is bad enough to almost make me pass out, but I force myself to stay awake. I can’t trust him with my unconscious body. He shoves the barrel in deeper, then glides two fingers into my pussy, making me feel full. My mouth opens, ready to scream but Howard shoves his hand over my mouth, silencing me. He pinches my nose between his finger and thumb. Using his other hand to alternate between fucking me with the gun and fingering me.

Today is the day I die at the hands of my boss. If not from suffocation then from either the head wounds or the blood loss as I feel it trickle down my legs and face. My body weakens as I struggle to get oxygen into my lungs. I can’t think of anything but the pain. I try to think of my happier times with Julian, but that just hurts more. Why didn’t I listen to him this morning? Why did I come back here?