Page 74 of Feeding Hope
“Me?”
She turned on the light switch by the door and gestured to the couch and chairs in the living space of the apartment. “Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll get the coffee going.”
She walked over to the kitchen counter and instead of going to take a seat on the couch, he followed her to the counter as she talked.
“When I met you in the principal’s office, Aidan was in danger of not only being booted off of the football team for his grades and attendance but also expelled from the school itself. I didn’t know that he was hiding how bad he was doing. Or the amount of trouble he’d gotten into, skipping classes and things like that.” She opened up one of the cabinets and brought out a tin, setting it on the counter. “Aidan and I have been a family of two since the day I found out I was pregnant. I thought we were more of a... a team than that.”
Wayne saw her blush and she quickly put the coffee grounds into the waiting filter of her coffee machine.
As soon as he pushed the start button, he reached out and covered her nearest hand. “If I were to tell you not to be so hard on yourself,” he smiled, “would it do any good?”
He saw the immediate shake of her head and his smile deepened. He’d known the answer.
“I’m a mom. It’s hard to admit that as much as I’ve tried to be a good one, being a firefighter means that I’ve had to put him in childcare for hours and hours while I was on shift. I thought that being in school, getting older, he’d be... he’d be more responsible, but it just turned out that I didn’t know what was happening.”
She shook her head, lowering her chin so he could barely see her face at all.
“I’m... I’m not sure if there’s anything I could say to make you feel better, but, I’ve had the chance to talk to Aidan since he started working with the kids in our outreach program.”
Her whole demeanor changed then. Where she’d been slumped forward, her spine had straightened, her face turned toward him. The look in her eyes? He could only describe it as hope. The coffee maker was still working, puffing and gurgling on the counter.
“When we were talking about the backgrounds of the kids in the program. I mentioned that many of them had signed up through the food bank and he nodded, smiling. Before I could ask him why, he told me that the two of you used to go there when he was little. How they always gave him a lollipop and a juice box along with the groceries that you went home with.
“He told me how both of you went back to volunteer there when you didn’t need to go there for food anymore.”
Wayne saw a myriad of emotions pass over her features. Confusion. Worry. And others he couldn’t quite name. But under it all, he saw love. Love for her son. He reached out and put his hand on hers.
“He talked about the struggles the two of you had back then. How he could hear you pacing at night. He saw the worries you had.”
Pain. He felt pain radiating from her and realized that his words had upset her. It was part of the problem when he hadn’treally had time for relationships. He hadn’t worked out the rough edges of his personality.
“I’m... I’m sorry, Avery. I shouldn’t have said...”
“The truth?”
She turned, leaning her hip against the counter. She looked at him, her eyes fierce, her jaw tight.
“I’d be more upset if you fed me some... some BS line.” She drew in a breath through her nose. “What he said... about where we started when he was younger?” She let out her breath in a slow exhale through barely parted lips. “It’s not something I’m proud of.”
Wayne shook his head, frowning. “Why?”
“Why?” Her voice was quite a bit higher than it was before. “Why would I be proud that I couldn’t feed my baby? I had enough people telling me that it was a mistake to have him in the first place. One after another, people in my life turned their backs on me. I was too stupid. Too Silly. Too... childish to understand what a mistake I was making, deciding to have my son.
“I stared them straight in the eyes and told them I wasn’t about to get rid of him. When I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. Scared shitless,” she laughed, but it was a hard scoff of a sound. A moment later, she was smiling, a sweet curve of her lips. “And I waffled back and forth about what I would do. It was crazy to do it on my own,” she looked up at him, but her gaze was distant as if she was looking into the past.
“Aidan’s... the guy who contributed the sperm for my egg was a mistake in all forms of the word. I knew it was going to be tough, but I wanted my baby. I was just naive enough not to consider just how hard it was going to be. How one visit to an ER was going to put everything in jeopardy.
“The first time I walked into Central Pantry, I had Aidan in my arms, and I felt like a complete failure. I had bills to pay, a sickbaby, and I was worried how I would make it to the next week without help, let alone my next paycheck. It was Maybell who saw me first. She smiled at me and held out her arms. She asked to hold Aidan.”
Wayne felt Avery’s tension start to bleed away.
“I told her he was still sick, but George came walking up, telling me that Maybell had the constitution of an ox and that she’d take care of Aidan while he helped me. Never once,” she drew in a lung-filling breath, “never once did either of them or anyone else volunteering there make me feel like a failure. They were warm and supportive. They were everything that I didn’t expect and I walked out of therenotfeeling like a failure.”
All of that rushed over him and before he could stop himself, he reached out and turned her so he could pull her into a loose embrace. He had a feeling that they both needed it. He just hoped that he was right.
*****
AVERY
