Page 46 of Sincerely, Butterfly

And how do I get to spend my summer? It’s sure as fuck not celebrating the fact that I can finally have my sister home.

Nope, it’s two months of Brotherhood bullshit.

Like, I give a fuck about an ancient god that my ancestors idolized.

They believe we have to keep everything the same, to follow the rules to a T, or we lose everything we’ve been blessed with.

Bet they have no idea half of us don’t even follow their practices outside the official Brotherhood meetings and rituals.

How the hell does drinking the blood of our previous virginal sacrifice please the gods and keep us rich and powerful?

It’s fucking disgusting.

Not blood, I actually don’t mind the taste, but the fact that it’s from some random woman we couldn’t care less about.

But we let them believe we add a drop of it to the wine we drink every day. We don’t actually consume any blood unless it’s during the rituals themselves.

It’s not all bad. The sex part is always a fun time. Having people fear you is also another plus. Money is great, and having the excuse to do all the fucked up, depraved shit you want is one hell of a bonus.

While Jasper, Wesley, and I don’t exactly believe in the Brotherhood's religious history, there are times we wonder if maybe it’s all real.

We’ve seen some shit, some unexplainable shit. It could have been the acid we were tripping on before the ritual last year, or a demon with black wings and a forked tongue really could have been there devouring a whole goat before our eyes, blood and all.

Guess we will never truly know.

“Sylas, asshole, we’re here.” I jolt awake, eyes snapping open, mind hazy as I look around.

“We’re here?” I ask groggily, rubbing my eyes. “Fuck. Didn’t we just leave?”

“No. It’s been eight hours. You passed the fuck out after you popped a benzo. You mumbled how much you wanted to wrap your hands around Nola’s throat and watch the life drain from her eyes as you fucked her within an inch of her life,” Jasper says dryly.

“Real classy, man. Guess you were right about keeping away from her. If you're dreaming about killing her in your sleep, then we have other things to worry about,” Wesley chuckles, getting to his feet and stretching.

“You fucking touch her, and I’ll slit your throat,” Jasper warns, and I know he means it.

“What the hell, man?” I glare at him. “I was fucking sleeping when I said that. I don’t even remember. I’d never hurt her. You know that.” Okay, that’s a bit of a lie. I’d love to hurt her, to make her whimper in pain. But only if she wanted it. I’d never, ever hurt her in a malicious way. I’m not my fucking father.

“You better not,” Jasper warns again.

“Don’t act like you’re perfect. You’re just as fucked up in the head as the rest of us,” I snap back. “You want her just as much as we do.”

Jasper storms over to me, getting in my face. “You think I don’t know that?” he growls low, eyes wild, chest heaving. “The whole plan was to leave her alone until the time was right. To claim her when we were in the position to keep her safe from the fucked up world we live in. We were young and naive. We had no clue how much it would change us. It turned us into the very monsters we wanted to keep her from. That’s why I let that dream die a long fucking time ago because I knew we were all too fucked up in the head to ever be the men she deserves. You and Wesley keep pushing me, swearing she could handle us. Are you fucking daft? The girl can’t even look at us without her face going as red as a lobster. You really think she will be okay with being around death for the rest of her life? You think she could handle our kinks, the things we crave, the power rush we need to keep us from going fucking insane?”

“No,” I grit out, hating to admit it. “But we will never fucking know if we don’t give her the chance.”

“We agreed it was all or nothing. I’m against it, meaning we leave her alone.”

I see where he’s coming from. He’s not wrong. When we were young, she was our whole world. One of our best friends. And even though we knew about the life we’d be joining, never did we imagine how much it would shape our very beings.

When you’re constantly around immoral, corrupt people, doing things no young person should ever have to endure, it’s hard to keep your sanity.

This life changed me, changed us, and not for the better. I might be obsessed with Nola Edwards, might want to make her mine, to have her at my side.

But I don’t just want to worship her, to pleasure her. I also want her pain, her fear, her life in my hands.

The things we had to do growing up fucked with us, we’re not right in the head. We get off on causing pain.

Nola is too good of a person for us. And I’d never forgive myself if I watched her light dim, fading away like I had to watch my mother die.