Page 115 of Steel

“Maybe it’s time to think about making a change.”

“Unfortunately, sometimes we’re trapped in a moment, a life that cannot be undone easily.”

Steel sighed. “If you want something badly enough, you can always make a change.”

I looked him directly in the eyes, feeling even more of the connection we shared. “Thank you for being with me, for caring. It’s meant a lot.”

Meant. As in past tense.

I was always mentally and emotionally preparing to leave.

* * *

“What does that mean, Mom? I don’t understand. Why are you taking him away tonight?” Damon’s eyes were open wide. His arm was wrapped around Zorro’s neck, the pup’s tail wagging and his dark brown eyes locked on his master’s.

I couldn’t take this. There wasn’t enough strength in the world to manage to break his heart without losing mine. “Zorro was stolen from the breeder. Another family had already picked him out. It’s not fair to them to take him away because some bad people did a terrible thing. Do you understand?”

“I’m not giving him up! I found him. He’s mine.”

Zorro jumped on Damon’s lap, obviously realizing something was terribly wrong.

My hands were shaking and I had no idea what words I could use to make this any better. I wasn’t equipped in dealing with breaking my child’s heart. Other people had done that. Not me. Completely exasperated, I looked toward Steel. This was my cross to bear, but I was ready to lose my sense of rationality. No one prepared you for breaking your child’s heart. Not this way.

Steel moved closer, crouching in front of the couch. He took a few seconds to do nothing but pet Zorro. “Damon. I know this is so hard. I can’t blame you for not wanting to give up Zorro. You two are very close. But what if a little boy just like you had already picked him out and was just waiting, eager to get the pup in his arms, counting down the days until he and his mom and dad could bring him home? Don’t you think that little boy would be crushed?”

Damon’s mouth had twisted, his little chest rising and falling as the news began to wrap around his mind. “I guess. But he’s mine. What about me finding him?”

“Honey, you did an amazing thing in rescuing him. You saved the pup’s life.” I had to remind myself to stop calling him Zorro. God, I couldn’t take this. I was sick to my stomach, a single tear rolling down my cheek. I wiped it furiously, fighting hatred and anger as much as I was sadness. My hands were shaking, another rush of adrenaline crushing my soul.

“That’s right. You saved this little tyke so he could grow up big and strong. You were the hero and that’s why you’ll continue being one by letting Zorro go to his family.”

Damon bent over, hugging the pup. Finally, the tears began to fall, my son doing his best to be the little man I’d always called him. So big. So strong. But as he wept, so did his mom.

I cinched my eyes shut, wishing I could make promises but uncertain of the future. But I couldn’t take this. Before I had a chance to comfort him, he was already telling his best friend that he had to go to a new home.

Steel and I locked eyes and there was more emotion, more of a connection than before as we listened in on a very private conversation.

“Mom says you already have a home. And a little boy who needs you. I need you too.” He stopped long enough to issue a tiny wail.

Needing strength, I eased my hand toward Steel’s, grasping his fingers. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.

“What if she’s right, Zorro? Huh? What if the little boy is sick? You might heal him. I’m sure they’ll give you a good life, but I’ll miss you. I love you so much. I love you.” He threw his arms around Zorro’s neck, crying into his fur and the tears refused to stop sliding down my face.

There was no sense in wiping them away because they would just continue.

Every muscle was tight, every synapse in my brain on fire. I couldn’t breathe correctly, had no sense of understanding the reason why this had to happen. Forget all the crap about everything happening for a reason. That was a load of garbage. This was torture. This was nothing my child deserved. I hated this fucking world. I hated having to disappoint him.

I hated…

Damon lifted his head, blinking several times before tipping his face toward me. The worried look he always gave me when knowing I was upset swept across his face, the dark shadow touching the deepest part of my soul. “It’s okay, Mom. Zorro understands. He’ll be okay.”

“Ah, honey. You are such a brave, incredible little boy. And I promise you that we will get you another new best friend. Okay?That might be a little while, but we will when we can.” I stroked the back of his head, still squeezing Steel’s hand.

My son surprised the hell out of me. He nodded, giving Zorro another squeeze before climbing off the couch. “Bye, Zorro.” When he walked out of the living room and we both heard the door to his bedroom close, that’s when I lost it.

As the tears slipped past my lashes, my eyes stinging, I took several gasps. “I can’t… I can’t just break his… heart. Never again. Never…”

“Oh, baby,” Steel whispered, yet his voice and the tone was strong, so strong. Just like the man. He pulled me into his arms, holding me against the warmth of his chest. “I’m so sorry for both of you. I’ll take Zorro so you don’t need to go through that. Okay?”