Page 52 of Property of Gray

Jessika says he never brings her by the clubhouse, and my brother doesn’t mention either of them when we speak. Not that I’ve asked him. I don’t even see Gray when I take dinners to Bill.

I don’t ask him either.

He doesn’t offer.

I leave the food on the porch swing, mostly. It hurts to be there without Gray.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Foolish.

We go out to eat. He takes me out on his bike. We’ve gone swimming at the lake a few times with Elsie Jo and Swift. Madz has gone shopping with Jessika and me a few times. She never mentions Gray either. It’s almost like he’s a ghost or never existed.

I’d like to say it’s gotten easier, but deep down I miss him.

I wish I could say I hate him, but I don’t. Not even a little bit.

I’m still hurt and angry.

I’m sad.

I don’t understand any of it, and maybe I never will.

I just wish there was something that could make me forget him. Forget how he made me feel.

Sometimes I think maybe it was all in my head and I made it up. Like a limerence. But he’s real and what we had was real. I felt it. I know he did, too. Even Woods, who was completely against us ever dating, saw it.

My cell buzzes with a text from Foolish asking if we’re still on for the movies tonight.

He’s such a good friend to me. I know he hopes for more, but I don’t have romantic feelings for him. It’s selfish of me to keep seeing him knowing he wants to date me when we will never be anything more than friends.

I fire back a text telling him I’ll meet him there.

I finish getting ready and notice my bra seems tight, and so do my jeans. Have I gained weight? Maybe all the eating out with Foolish has packed some pounds on me. I turn sideways in the mirror, noticing a curve to my belly that I didn’t have before.

Maybe I’m bloated? I look at the calendar, trying to remember when I’m supposed to get my period. I’ve always had a month here and there where I don’t have one. Usually, when I’m stressed out. It makes sense that I can’t remember my last one.

I think I had one after the fight with Gray and Foolish.

I look under my bathroom sink for a tampon to stick in my purse in case I start while I’m out.

Hmm. Doesn’t look like I have any.

I guess I can stop by the drugstore on my way to Fayetteville.

Chapter Sixteen

I stare at the app on my phone screen tracking Willow’s location. I never turned it off. She doesn’t know it, but I watch her from afar. I see her going out with Foolish. Holding his hand. Laughing with him. Falling in love with him.

I make sure he’s treating her right. The way I was supposed to.

I fucked everything up, but it was for the best.

She deserves someone who can love her the right way.

I’m too tainted. Full of too much hatred.

I don’t want to be a father. Not to Kaylene’s kid, but I stepped up.

When she calls, I answer. When she has an appointment, I drive her. I give her money. I sleep on her couch. But we aren’t together. That’s not going to happen. I tried to force it, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t stand her touch. She makes my damn skin crawl.